ZeA's MaZe

Education for All

2009-09-16T00:41:00.000-07:00

I don’t have masteral and doctorate degrees in social sciences. I have not done any formal research on social issues. I’m an accountant but I know that all our problems are rooted in our poor education system.

Like my parents who are both in the academe, I also received the calling to teach. I taught for a semester and it was the best experience of my life, yet. But reality struck me. I may receive negative feedback for what I have to say next. We’re all entitled to our personal choices and I made my decision. I quit teaching and now work for an auditing firm in the country’s biggest business district – Makati.

I chose this path because I desire to learn through experience. That way, I have much more to share to other people.

Teaching is among the most noble professions, if not the noblest. We hear this saying always; yet at this time and age, very few choose to become teachers. The teacher’s salary isn’t at all tempting. And the opportunity for promotion and salary increase is limited. I know, with my parents being teachers who plan to remain teachers for as long as they can.

So I know, too, that teaching is not really about the salary. It is about the passion and commitment to mold the young into becoming educated, responsible and productive individuals. It is about giving students the opportunity to grow intellectually, morally, spiritually and emotionally. It is ultimately about making the world a better place for everyone. Yes, I am very proud to have parents who chose to dedicate their lives not only to their children but to many other children.

I dream for a world where everyone has access to education. I can see many hindrances to achieving my dream. But I can also see hope. There is a chance and we can all contribute to make this dream a reality.

My father who is a principal was assigned for four years at Daan Banwang Elementary School, a public school located at the border of General Santos City and more than an hour drive from our residence. It was a battle everyday just to get there because he had to climb the mountain and pass through many rivers with his motorcycle. At times during the rainy season, he and his colleagues needed to travel on foot.

It was an even bigger battle to work in the kind of environment that welcomed him – poorly constructed building with only three rooms, lack of books and instructional materials, no electricity, pupils in high grade levels who couldn’t read and/or write, high rate of dropouts, unhygienic practices and many more. But love of work and commitment to service prevailed.

He asked and accepted support from non-government organizations, colleagues in the academe, private individuals and businessmen. And a big catch is the community work conducted by the Nursing students of a private school in GenSan. These students studied their health condition and taught the community people on how to improve their hygiene and health conditions. The integration also led to many other forms of assistance – livelihood programs, food feeding and donations.

Our family also became involved in the quest to improve the quality of life and learning for the people in the community where my father served. We led clean-up drives and sought for donations in the form of financial assistance, books and educational materials, school supplies, school uniforms and clothes.

I served the Student Government of my university for two years and took this opportunity to contribute. Daan Banwang became our adopted community. Together with the student publication of my school, we gathered donations from our fellow students to give to the pupils in the community. We sponsored activities like Christmas parties where we gave out gifts. We also provided financial incentives to the top students in each grade level.

At the end of my father’s second year of service at Daan Banwang, with the financial assistance from different entities, they were able to construct a new building where learning can become more conducive for the pupils. The school has also improved in many other aspects.

The lesson I learned from this experience is that we can all contribute in making education better for everyone. We need not be teachers to take on the responsibility.

But the community still faces many problems. Many pupils walk kilometers just to get to Daan Banwang. Some of them graduate in elementary but most could not make it to high school. The nearest secondary school will take more than an hour on foot. That is the easy part. The more difficult part is that they already need to wear uniform and buy school supplies.

While it is DepEd’s policy not to impose contributions, many schools still enforce payment. The PTA fees are the lifeblood of the school’s operations because the allocation from the government is never enough.

We’ve been told and taught that education is free. Believe me, it never is, even in public schools. And the teachers’ vision alone won’t make education available to everyone. Sure, they can make a difference to many students. We private individuals can also make a difference to one, few or even many. Still, “many” does not mean “all”.

I know that others can relate to my story. The media has given accounts of teachers and private individuals who work to provide a better learning experience to students, even to those who live in the mountains.

Education is the beginning and the opportunities it provides have no end.
With education, we can all have a higher quality of life with the start at getting a job. With a job, we can eat enough meals, have a place to live in and gain access to health services. Education opens the doors to continuous growth and improvement.

I look forward to the time when education will not anymore see the difference between the rich and the poor; the time when it is already a right and not a privilege; the time when education is for everyone.

Nobody, Nobody But YOU

2009-09-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I am fixated to this Korean song. And there is no more fitting line than Nobody, Nobody But You to express how I feel. Haha. So I have this crush on this certain guy. And literally, I feel crushed.

That's why it's called a "crush" because having one crushes you. Am I even making sense?! Whatever. I (hopefully) will get over this SOON, before that new audit engagement starts.

Ninoy

2009-08-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

When Cory died last August 1 until her burial, I wasn't able to personally participate in the nation's movement to honor her. I was focused on the Juniors' training which ended last August 7. I only received text updates from my mother who was so into the entire thing.

She even said that only a stone wouldn't cry when this certain bishop recounted the life of Cory.

My mother also told me that Cory's death is reminiscent of February 1986 People Power Revolution. Even if GenSan was not directly affected by the abuse of the Marcos regime (which equals to Marcos himself), my parents participated in mass prayer rallies. She was then pregnant with me.

While she was recounting her experiences, I strongly felt the connection between my existence and People Power Revolution. I probably got my great sense of justice from my parents and the environment during the time when I was still in my mother's tummy. By the time I was born, I already enjoyed the freedom that they fought so hard for.

I never really had much interest in that part of the history of the Philippines. I probably know more about the pre-Spanish period as well as the colonization of Spain. I don't remember detailed accounts of the 1970s to 1980s events.

But it's not too late yet to learn more about my nation's history and the legacy that the people who fought for democracy have left us.

Below is the poem written by Nonoy during his stay in prison/confinement:

“I am burning the candle of my life
in the dark
with no one to benefit from its light.

The candle slowly melts away
soon its wick will be burned out,
and the light is gone!

If someone will only gather
the melted wax, reshape it,
give it a new wick -
for another fleeting moment
my candle can once again
light the dark
be of service
one more time
and then -
Goodbye"

Let us be the ones who will gather the melted wax; and keep the candle burning always.

Cory

2009-08-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

No words will suffice how much Cory has done to our country.

One book isn't even enough simply to describe her.

So while reading some posts in Inquirer, here is what I got that somehow, in just a few sentences, speak a lot about her:

What is Cory Aquino’s legacy?

For the world, it’s the first of a series of peaceful overthrows of authoritarian rulers, spreading to Eastern Europe. For the country, maybe it’s democracy with a six-year limit for the presidency. (referring to the People Power Revolution)

For Filipinos, some have suggested it’s to show them the best they could be. For the journalists who were there, she gave them simply the best story they have ever covered.

Traffic

2009-07-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

So very few activities consume me these days. But what should be the least among those happens to be what consumes me the most – commuting. Every day, I try to rationalize why it takes me 40 minutes to get to my office from my boarding house when it would take only 5-10 minutes if my I were back in GenSan riding my father’s motorcycle. Of course, I’m not in the position to complain. If I detest my situation so much, you would probably tell me to go back home. So I’m not complaining… just doing some thinking.

Here are some of the reasons. First, there are just so many commuters – employees, students, even the jobless; all of them trying to get a ride. Second, there are so many vehicles, both private and public means of transportation. The excessive number of private vehicles congests the streets. But I couldn’t blame the more financially fortunate people if they don’t care that their cars contribute to the heavy traffic. Who would want to suffer the discomfort of public transportation when you can ride in the comforts of your personal car? Though there is such thing as SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY.

Third, many establishments are congested in certain places. For instance, the biggest business firms are located in Makati. It follows that many employees would want to work here. I know of people from as far as Cavite and Laguna who commute everyday just to get to work. If only the resources and business opportunities are divided to the many places of this country, we wouldn’t suffer from endless traffic.

I admit that the government and some private organizations have made the life of commuters better through building the LRT and MRT. I hope more LRTs and MRTs will be built. And also, that the rich would do their part. If they can get to where they need to go through public transportation, please do so. Let us lessen the number of vehicles in the streets.

I personally try to make a difference, however small it may be. Actually, I don’t know if it would make a difference at all to other people. But it makes much difference to me. Since my place is not too far away from the office, I walk to get to the boarding house in the evening. I am giving one person a space in the jeepney. And I take only one ride in the morning, instead of two since I walk some distance to get to where I used to take my 2nd ride.

This traffic issue is much more than what I talk about. So for those who have the concrete answers, and especially to those who can make the answers a reality, please, please, make all the difference and make the world a better place.

Problem me

2009-07-22T20:42:00.000-07:00

When you have resented computers and computer work all your life, then you end up in audit, you’re in big trouble…. As I am now.

I could have chosen to go back to teaching. Or I could work for NGOs and directly serve the less fortunate. I could have taken any job that won’t deal with programs and computer stuff where I could excel, especially if all it needs is talking. That surely is something I’m good at. I could take up law or graduates studies. But I didn’t. I made this choice. Haha. I don’t even know why. I listened to earthly and non-earthly voices and this was their answer.

I am in my weakest these days – worse than having to dance or sing. While some people need only a few minutes to master the systems and softwares, I couldn’t even follow simple instructions. So I’m often stranded, taking hours before moving on.

I may sound as if I’m complaining. Maybe I am. But I don’t mean to. Who am I complaining to? And what is my complaint? It all boils down to the big and another ME. If others can do all those stuff, I’m expected to do the same, with no excuses.

Oh this is life. And I have to accept this without grumbling. Anyway, this isn’t about doing favor to the company I’m working for or the clients I will be serving. This is even for the big ME again. Because life is about learning.

So now, I will be back to it.

The Move

2009-07-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

I miss this blog. Yeah, I did write that I will be moving to other sites but something came up; so I'm back!!!

I formally entered the world of audit a month ago. I already received my first pay but I won't be treating anyone.... yet. Work is still limited to photocopying, proofreading, casting, etc. The real work will start on August 3. Not that what I've been doing now isn't real work. Huh, if that officemate of mine would read this, he'd probably refute me, for the nth time. All he does is correct me!!!! Not that I'm infallible; but I'm also not brainless.

I've been moving a lot these days. From being a reviewee to an employee. From living in GenSan to living a Makati life. And today, I just moved to the 3rd floor from the 4th floor. Next week, I'll be moving from my boarding house in Kalayaan to a place nearer to my office. Well, I don't resent the moves.

I may have moved to being an employee but something has not changed. I will still be taking lots of company exams. And there will be grades. I will try to enjoy them. Learning is something that I always welcome...

Back to my notes now. Ciao

My Super Crush

2009-05-02T19:30:00.000-07:00

Last month, I got hooked with the "Heroes" series. I'm done with the first three seasons and looking forward to the fourth. I heard about the series years ago. And the overwhelming response of the viewers. But since I claim to be against highly commercial shows, I chose not to be bothered. Well, changes. I'm now among the most avid fans.

And I met (as in met? hehe)my super crush Zachary, a.k.a. Sylar. He's supposed to be the villain in the show. But he's not. I claim that he's not. There are twists and turns. In the end, I know he will be a good guy (though he has killed a lot. huhu. violence can never be justified).

Check him out in the latest "Star Trek" movie. I was no fan of Star Trek. I am now. hehe. Ciao

Dropping by and Saying Hi!!!

2009-04-17T02:13:00.000-07:00

Counting the days. Scared. Excited. More scared. In less than a month, I will face my biggest academic battle. This is heavier than the battle for graduation or maintaining grades during college. On May 10, I will only be a number - one out of some 4000 examinees who will take the board exams. I'm not favored. No more Mama and Ate to fight my battles. Or Sir Jet and Ma'am Tess to back me up. Doesn't count that Meng, Kris or Macky believe that I'm the best. Only me, the One-up-there and the preparation I had. Sadly, I can't bank on the latter.

Anyway, this is no time for regrets. No point for the what-I-could-have-done. Only to look forward positively and make the most of the very little time left. This is the greatest test of my character. In that respect, I intend to win, no matter what the result of the board exams is.

Funny. When I graduated, I thought I knew where I was going. The path was ahead. I only had to follow it. But now, my life is on hold. I will have to begin again. Start somewhere. I have a theory on this. It's called life syndrome. Hehe. Well, it's a wonderful life. I can only be happy. And hopefully, productive.

It ends here. For now.

Youngblood: A Sheep's Tale

2009-03-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm featuring my sister's essay which was published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last 03/07/2009.

Filed Under: Belief (Faith), Religion & Belief

I was born a Christian. My grandfather was a pioneering Methodist minister in the southern part of the Philippines. My father also served as vicar of a small community church for two years before he heeded a stronger calling and became a teacher.

As a kid, I enjoyed dressing up in my Sunday best, listening to Bible stories, and participating in children’s presentations on special occasions. But at the onset of my adolescent years, going to church suddenly became a burden, an unwanted responsibility rather than a joyful activity.

This was the stage of my life when I was fighting constantly with my mom, lying badly to my dad and acting indifferently to my younger siblings. Home wasn’t sweet for me.

Neither was school. I was barely passing the subjects I was taking. I was making more enemies than friends. I was among the least liked by my teachers. Most of the time, I was angry, drowning myself in self-pity and hating the world.

Then one late afternoon in school, I couldn’t get up from my seat. My legs had no strength. I had to be carried home.

The next day, I was diagnosed with a thyroid disease. My first thought was that I was being severely punished by God. I felt scared, vulnerable, lost. I felt dirty, ugly and sinful. I felt a strong need for answers, reassurance and restoration.

That was the turning point of my life. My mom guided me throughout the process. I was asking her questions about God. Was He quick to punish? Hard to please? Someone who keeps a list of my mistakes?

My mom reminded me of the stories I had heard when I was a child: about the birth and death of Jesus Christ, the Savior who came to pay for my sins with His own blood; the son of God who brought the promise of salvation to everyone who accepts Him as his personal Lord and Savior.

I was gripped with the desire to know more about this sacrifice. I started reading the Bible. I was enlightened, but daunted at the same time. Accepting Jesus in my life would mean I had to become like a salt of the earth — exemplifying His teachings and serving as a role model to others. How could a messed up 15-year-old do that?

On my own I couldn’t, my mom told me. But if I invited the spirit of God to live within me and if I put my complete trust in the Lord, I would not go astray.

I listened to my mother. I asked for the Holy Spirit and He was given to me.

My transformation surprised everyone who knew me during those dark times of my life. I became a youth leader in church. I finished at the top of my class. I made my family proud. By doing my best for God, He lifted me up. I didn’t always win, but losing didn’t feel bad. I trusted God.

Of course, there were still dark moments. In fact, I have just recently gotten out of a three-year “cooling off period” with my Savior. After such a fulfilling relationship with Him, I had allowed myself to wander and became unfaithful. I thought I could afford to break a few rules that He might not notice. And the few became many and my conscience started to bother me. I was miserable but I was guilty, and I allowed my guilt to widen the space between God and me. But the Lord was always holding on to me and I managed to swim back to His wide open arms.

I know the future will not be easy. There will always be times when I would lose my way. There will always be temptations that just wouldn’t go away. There will always be moments of doubt.

But I also know that I will always be led back to the right path, like a sheep found by my shepherd, my God.

Angeli Benette S. Pidut, 24, works as an auditor in Gibraltar.

Welcome 2009!!!

2008-12-31T07:42:00.000-08:00

For many of us, the coming of the New Year is more than a change in number in our calendars. This is a time for changes in our life – turning away from bad habits, getting fat/thin, moving on from bad experiences, letting go of exes; basically, making resolutions. This is a time to welcome and hope for better things to come.

Predictions also add colors. I have yet to hear the prophecies of mystics and fortune-tellers. But I am not one who believes in what we call “hula.”

The past year had been a significant one. We witnessed and experienced many bad and wonderful events.

Typhoons hit many parts of our country. Ships sunk and many islands submerged. I personally witnessed the effect of typhoon Frank to the municipality of Lambayong in Sultan Kudarat.

When we thought that no economic threat could severely hit the world economy at this time and age, we were proven wrong. Many financial institutions declared bankruptcy. Even the strongest economies weakened. And of course, there is a domino effect.

On international politics, Barack Obama became the first African-American president of the United States of America. Truly, America and the entire world are making progress in the battle against racism and discrimination. We are all ready for deeper changes.

I hope I can say the same concerning the issues in our own country. But I still have faith in the Filipino people. I hope that we all make better decisions in the future. Let’s start now.

2008 was certainly the year of Pacman. He claimed three wins in three different divisions (the most popular was against dela Hoya), putting his name in a certain Hall of Fame. I’m a General. I can only be proud. And I am very proud!

The year 2008 had been the most colorful and dramatic year of my existence as well – all the drama was self-made, of course.

I played three different roles this year – a college student, a teacher and a CPA reviewee. I lived in three cities – General Santos, Koronadal and Manila.

After graduation, I thought that no friendship as great as the ones that I built with college friends would come into my life. Well, I was wrong. I tried to hibernate and stay away from people – for change (and solitude). But I was never meant to be alone. And I’m happy!

There were many meaningful learning experiences. Major decisions were made, many of which were questioned and opposed. I have no regrets.

And now, I happily welcome the coming of 2009.

A Decade After

2008-12-26T04:50:00.000-08:00

So many things have gone wrong in my life. No, I shouldn't describe them as wrong, maybe just a little weird and not-so-normal, not-so-me. People who know me now probably would not have thought that I once aspired to become a visual artist. Because really, I don't draw or paint or do artistic stuff. I couldn't distinguish a masterpiece from a piece of junk.

Some ten years ago, I studied in an arts school funded by the national government. I was among the scholars of the country, many of them have become internationally and nationally acclaimed. As for me, I graduated with a degree in Accountancy - so very out of the arts league.

Why did I even qualify? I had good marks in the academic exams. I gave a good portfolio - awards and citations in school, division and regional levels. I delivered very well during the interview. All those compensated for the lack of inherent artistic skills.

My mother made me try everything - singing, dancing, drawing, writing, etc. I had my share of honor and glory in all those fields, but eventually, the truth came out that I'm a big fake. I'm not being hard on myself. I'm just being honest. I'm no artist. But I can do a lot. And at the top of my list of capabilities is: I can TALK endlessly. Ask me one question and I can give a very lengthy answer. In the end, you'd probably wish you never asked me.

With all those experiences and realizations, I'm not (and was never) frustrated. I'm actually happy that I experienced what I did. Now, I know what I can't be and what I want to be.

I have never told my stories for the one year that I spent at Philippine High School for the Arts. When I went home to GenSan for what is supposed to be just a summer vacation with my family, I never returned to PHSA. I couldn't be forced to. When asked at the time about my reasons, I wouldn't give any. It's like I wanted to block out everything that happened there. And I found it very easy to just forget.

There weren't any physical traumatic experience, contrary to the rumors at MSU (my new school) that I was raped.

I just felt tired and unhappy. I had friends but I knew that I didn't belong. At the age of 13, I had the courage to accept my limitations. I made a very big decision - to let go and move forward. There were others who waited to get ousted before they finally accepted what's coming.

I did not even say good-bye to my friends. The last time I saw them was 10 years ago. And I wouldn't know how to react if I'd see them now. We're all grown-ups; and strangers to each other. We don't share anything anymore. Seeing them would probably just make us uncomfortable. It's sad, really. But I'm still hoping that when time comes when we'd see each other, we can build something once again.

In my stay there, someone made my heart beat differently. And 10 years after, I still hold a piece of him in my heart. But I'm not hopeful anymore. So much has changed. Like I said, we have grown.

Thanks to the advancement of technology, I was able to see pictures of him. Tonight, after many years, I saw him again. And I'm happy to see him looking happy and very healthy. I may never see him in person anymore but I feel so much better knowing that he's well. And I will always have access to him. Haha. I hope I don't seem obsessed. Because I really am not. Right now, I'm just remembering and I feel like writing. I need a break from Accounting. So here's the output.

This is certainly the season to be happy and to reminisce. Happy holidays!!!

Essence of Christmas

2008-12-20T22:50:00.001-08:00

This is the Christmas season. Christmas trees have been decorated. The sidewalks are filled with lights. The kids are singing christmas carols. We are having Christmas parties at work, in school, in the church and at home.

I have good memories of spending the yuletide season. There have always been plenty of food in our table, in our neighbors', friends' and relatives'. This is the best time of the year to eat, rejoice and not care about getting fat (care again in January).

I also get to receive many gifts that's why I always looked forward to Christmas. I have always thought that the gifts that I received were gifts for me. And why not, when they were bought specifically for me. The giver had me in mind when the gifts were chosen.

Christmas has always been that way - we give gifts to each other. It's part of the culture and tradition. But let us look deeper. What are we celebrating this Christmas? Is it about 'me' or 'you'? Because we get the gifts, then it must be about 'us.'

But it isn't. It's about Christ - it is the celebration of His birth. Then He must be the one who must be given gifts, right? This is something most of us, even I, have failed to understand. I don't say that we stop giving gifts to each other. Then I'll be such a kill-joy. But let us reassess the entire gift-giving thing.

Giving gifts is part of any birthday celebration. And on the celebration of the birth of our Savior, we do the same. By giving gifts to our fellow beings, we give gifts to Christ for He is always in us. And more than the physical and material things, let us give the best gifts - compassion, presence and love. Let us be a gift to other people. Then we are being a gift to Christ.

And most important of all, let us not limit our gift-giving during Christmas. Let us celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ everyday.

BuHay sA mAniLa

2008-12-20T05:33:00.000-08:00

Lady EyebaGs. Ito ang mukha ng isang (nagpapanggap na) reviewee.

Sa araw na may Anti-Cha2x rally sa Makati. Niyaya ko ang housemates ko na maki-rally. Niyaya akong magbigay puri sa Diyos. Walang gustong sumama sa Makati. Pinagdasal ko na lang sila.

Araw ng Laban ni Pacquiao. Sa C.M. Recto, naghihintay ng FX patungong Valle Verde. Walang sasakyan sa kalye! Wala rin masyadong tao sa simbahan.

Laklakan sa Kalye Valencia. Naglalasing sa iced tea at pulutan ay pancit canton. Nahuli na ako kasi panggabi ang klase ko.

Night at Star City. Kasama sina kagandahang Wilter at student leaders mula NDMU.

Baguio tRip

2008-12-04T17:34:00.000-08:00

At Mines View Park. Never mind the face, look at the view.

Okay ba? hehe.

At the Botanical Garden. Okay, so I toured Baguio with youngsters. Hehe. The next trip to Baguio won't be with kids.

Still at the Botanical Garden. With Grandma and Grandpa. Aba, cool ang lola ko.

At the Grotto. Hindi po naka-jeans si Mary. Hamak na AKO po 'yan.

At the Chinese Temple. Umuulan. I was so maarte kaya hanggang dito lang ako. The more beautiful sights ay nasa taas.

At Benguet Strawberry Farm. I was enjoying my strawberry when Jomel texted that they taste like guava. Eeew, and I realized, that yes, strawberry does taste like guava. Didn't touch one again. Arte naman!

Will be coming back to Baguio but never again in this season (November-February). I'm still suffering from colds. The more important thing is: I've been there. I won't crave much. I may come again, but not in the near future. Hehe. I've had enough.

BAGUIOscapade

2008-11-29T07:09:00.000-08:00

Before getting serious (serious gid?!?) with the formal review at CPAR, I went to Baguio for a short vacation and to spend time with my father-dearest. This year's STEP (an event conducted by DepEd, where elementary and high school students compete in skill and technology-related competitions) was conducted there.

It's my first time in Baguio. It wasn't too meaningful though because I spent more time sleeping than sight-seeing.

At Mines View Park. This is my first time (or is it? I can't remember) to ride (or sit) on a horse.

Time is up. It's 12 midnight and the internet cafe is closing. I will post more pix and share more stories later. Ciao

MOVING OUT

2008-11-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

I really should not be doing this. I only have five more days left here in GenSan to finish the yearbook which I don't think will really be finished. But it must be finished; or at least almost everything must be finished before I leave. There will be about 700 graduates who will come running after me; and of course, the teachers and administrators. Huhu. But this is not about my rantings regarding the yearbook.

Five more days and I can finally move on with my life - which means reviewing in Manila to hopefully get a CPA title. But it's really more than the title. It's about realizing my dreams and other people's dream for me. It's about having the desire to continually learn. It is accepting that I can serve better if I become a better person.

I have made promises like coming back after taking the board (assuming that I do pass). In my heart, that is what I want to do. Teaching was and still is my motivation in taking the board exam. I hope that I will have the courage to fight for this when the time comes.

This MIGHT be my last entry about very personal matters. I realized that this blog is so disorganized. I wrote about anything and everything. There is really nothing so wrong about that. But since I'm in another turning point in my life, I'd like to incorporate changes even in my blogging behavior. I will make a new blog about my travels, the people I meet/met, movies, books, learnings, etc. I hope to make my new account more entertaining to the readers (I will try hard).

So it's been five months of happy blogging. I'd like to extend my gratitude to those who positively contributed to this wonderful experience. Thanks! #

At the End of the Day

2008-10-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day is the most used phrase in this year's National Debate Tournament, and perhaps in all debate tournaments in the past. Ladies and gentlemen would probably rank second.

I believe that I have heard more than a thousand At-the-end-of-the-days and Ladies-and-gentlemens in the past week. I don't think I can take some more. Please, no more.

Quite literally, the day (October 26) has just ended. It's past 12 midnight; and here I am, with JM, Hareil and Ryan in an internet cafe in Matina.

We're supposed to be "food-tripping", if there is such a word; while waiting for two o'clock to strike. Wilter, Rem and company are in a *** bar; and hopefully, they are enjoying (hehe).

After a week of debating (in their case) and vacation (for me), we're all finally going home. I miss home!!! Both GenSan and Marbel.

Going back to "food tripping", we ate at Mc Donald's and would probably eat again later at Jollibee. We have more than an hour to kill.

This had been a liberating experience. I realized that I have been confined in my small, secure world for a long time; where I had been the center (or among those who were in the center) of attention, glory and honors.

I got my taste of reality - learning that I'm just really a small fish in the ocean. There are lots of big ones.

I did not get intimidated. But there are a lot of positive realizations. And somehow, the fire that I thought has died is now burning once again. I know that I can still learn a lot and grow some more and more and more. At the end of the day, those are the most important.

Friends Forever

2008-10-22T01:45:00.000-07:00

I read a blog post of Ate Edmee entitled Eight years of lasting friendship. It's been eight years since she and her friends first set foot at NDDU (then NDDC) to take up Accountancy. And now, eight years since that first day, they remain to be friends, even if miles separate them.

In my case, it's been more than five years; and gladly, I can say that we have remained to be friends and will remain to be such.

We are more than classmates (or former classmates). From each other, we learned the best lessons in life. We developed positive values. In a course where most students compete and pull each other down, we didn't; rather, we helped each other. We learned to become tolerant and understanding of different personalities. We developed relationships that are lasting.

The biggest day of our (or their) academic life has just passed - the day that we learned the results of the CPA Licensure Examinations. I thought (and they, too) that I will directly share this day with them for of course we were all expected to take the board this October. But only 12 of 18 took and I am one of the six who did not.

I may not have taken the board on the same date but I am with them in their happiness (for those who passed) and whatever else it is that they are feeling (for those who did not). The "result" day has passed and we made it through.

I am looking forward to seeing them. We will have a gathering this November. Members of Achtzen Virtus who remained in GenSan and those who reviewed in Manila and Davao will do our most favorite activity - overnight and videoke at London Beach.

Oh, but there is a problem (I haven't informed them yet because I remembered this just now)! London Beach is now closed. So we will have our gathering somewhere else.

And we might not be complete. Others won't be able to come because they want to be with themselves for now (you can guess why). Friends that we are, we understand.

We are all moving on, whatever the result for each taker is, and whether we took or not. Some will apply for auditing firms, others for private orgs and the rest will review.

But wherever the wind (or our feet) will take us, I know that we will be friends forever.

Adieu

2008-10-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

It had been the most meaningful five months of my life, and I am very thankful for the experience.

I am leaving, but this is hopefully not good bye.

Teaching had been very therapeutic for me. I was so broken after graduation. I did not know how to go on with my life. I felt so inadequate - having wasted five years of my academic life. I could not let go of student activities, too. I had so many negative unprocessed emotions.

And now, I can say that I am well (maybe the word "cured" is too much to be used).

I don't want to think that once again, I had been selfish in making my decisions. Maybe I am selfish in the eyes of many, but I only listened to myself. And my selfishness is only temporary. This is for a selfless service in the future.

I will have to settle some things first before I can finally give the whole of me. I am young. I still have a lot to learn. I don't really have to hurry.

Events have always favored me despite my being spoiled and inconsistent. But things may not be the same from now on. I am ready for the consequences of my actions.

I wouldn't say though that I have nothing to blame but myself. Because from now on, blaming myself and others will not be part of my life anymore. Things simply happen, or they don't. I won't live in the ghosts of the past. I will live in the present and look forward to what lies ahead.

I am excited. I will start anew. And I will make it good.

For now, adieu. 'Til we meet again.

Mngt 111 Evening Class

2008-10-06T16:16:00.001-07:00

I love to end my work- day with them. I had fun. I hope they had fun, too.

My SDS Class

2008-10-04T17:28:00.001-07:00

I will surely miss them. I'm leaving but it's not good bye :-)

Untold Stories

2008-09-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

Doraemon and I. Hehe. After my excessive pangungulit, Eric finally sent me these edited pictures (photoshop creations, or whatever they're called). Thanks Rik!

The title may not reflect literally the pictures in this post. But yes, there are untold stories behind them. And they will remain untold...

Back from Retreat

2008-09-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

My first experience of a formal retreat was on my last year in college. It was a requirement for graduation. I was very hesitant then.

In my first four years in college (mine is a five-year course), I was very detached from my classmates. There were only three classmates I was able to relate to. I was different, and they, too, acknowledged that. My concerns and priorities were not the same with theirs.

While most of them, if not all, centered their college lives on their studies, I practically majored in extra-curricular activities. I believed that it was my responsibility to give more of myself to others. I did not understand their lack of interest and indifference to school activities. I thought that they, too, did not understand me. And for that reason, I did not want to be with them.

But things changed during and after the retreat. I let them inside of me and more importantly, I allowed myself to get inside them and understand them. And it was then that I realized that while I was running away from them, they were always around - behind me and supporting me. They were very proud of me and of what I was doing.

I am very thankful for that opportunity given to me to appreciate them and build a better relationship with them. They have all become my friends and are now a big part of my life.

I never thought that I would experience another formal (required) meaningful retreat in my life. But retreat per se is something that I always do. I have ran away from home several times as a child but I was always found. Maybe because I wanted to be found in the first place.

In college, when academic and extra-curricular pressures got so heavy, I always found ways to leave for a while and go to places where I couldn't be reached. My parents seemed to understand (or they never knew because I told them I was going somewhere else for a school-related activity).

At the end of every retreat, I always felt so much better (or more confused).

Even now, in a way, I am having a retreat. I work and live in a place where I originally knew no one. This is because I also wanted to be alone.

I just got back from my second formal retreat. NDMU administrators, faculty and support services personnel had their retreat last September 3-4. One friend, a fellow educator, asked if the activity was necessary - that maybe the two days (three, including the travel) on retreat could be spent better on teaching our students. I wasn't able to answer his question at the time because such was not my concern.

For the past weeks, I had been looking forward to the retreat because it would be my first time in more than three months to leave the confines of my region. I will also get the chance to see former classmates who are reviewing in Davao, the venue of the retreat. I could rest my voice and be alone for a while.

Our retreat master, Bro. Joe, is an American Marist priest who is now on his 11th year here in the Philippines. He spoke to us in mixed English, Filipino and Bisaya. My greatest dream is to work as a missionary in Africa; and meeting Bro. Joe was very inspiring. He is more than 6o years old yet he was able to learn the Filipino language and Visayan dialect. I know now that I, too, could learn foreign languages.

I intended to leave in the evening of the first day to see my friends but I changed my mind after Bro. Joe's talk. He said that we all came there to spend two days of the year to be away from all forms of noise - our problems and pains, workloads and other responsibilities, etc. We went there to listen to the yearnings of our hearts and deepen our relationship with God and with ourselves. I stayed and decided to live up to the purpose of our retreat.

On my moments alone, I realized that I am like an empty cup, always thirsting for those which I do not have and for what I am lacking. And many times, the temptation was so great, yet my soul was empty.

I took time to reflect on what are the more important things in life - what I must fill my cup with and what I must pour out.

I was also able to reflect on my relationship with my family, friends, the people I work with, students, other people and God. I discerned what God is inviting me to do.

I let out all the negative emotions and pains. I accepted that it's now time to let go of the things and the people who are gone.

I wasn't able to stop tears from falling. I haven't cried for a while. It felt really good afterwards.

In answer to my friend's question, Yes, the two days spent on retreat were worth much. When I came back, I was somehow a better and more positive person. I can now give and share more to my students.

I believe that in one way or another, we all need to have a retreat even for a while.

Note: I can't wait for my next retreat. But it sure won't be a required one. I'll have it my way!

Retreat!

2008-09-02T02:21:00.000-07:00

I have been longing for this moment. I need this now more than ever. I'm having a retreat! This is not really of my choosing but a scheduled activity of the school for its personnel, faculty and administrators.

I believe that we all have to take retreats once in a while. I'm such a retreat freak. Every time I feel like hiding from people, I always find a way to go to far-off places and do this thing called "soul-searching." I used this term a lot in my many past escapades and I always got corrected. You really could not search for your soul. It's been there all along. Fine. So I will find what's inside my soul. Hehe. Gosh, am I making sense.

I don't have a problem really. Just that I need time off from everything. I'd also like to take this opportunity to go out; see other places, other people and more.

And yes, see my former classmates in Davao. I originally signed in for the Lake Sebu venue but I later changed my mind. Aside from wanting to see my classmates, I am also running away from someone who will have his/her retreat at Lake Sebu. There, I'm hitting two birds with one stone.

I'm so looking forward to this. I will have time for and with myself (as if I didn't have that to start with). This will be a vacation from talking!! I don't want to talk anymore, but the nature of my job requires me to. And even though I claim to dislike talking, it's my nature to talk! I'm again beginning to be inconsistent.

I'll share my retreat story when I get back.

Ciao. Have fun everyone!

Happy at 22

2008-08-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

I attended the GRP-MILF symposium on present issues last Friday. I said (and wrote in my previous post) that I will relive the days of meaningful journalism. But only minutes after I took a seat to listen to the speaker, I could not anymore contain my impatience. I'm a poor listener and I easily get sleepy. The inevitable happened - I left and slept at the Faculty Lounge. I decided that I would not blog again until I have this one good relevant post regarding social issues.

But here I am, without a post on social issues (specifically on the events here in Mindanao) because I have no understanding of the issue. I am not making good a promise. But this is for a very special reason - I'm in Youngblood today! In the August 26, 2008 issue.

I would like to say that I'm floating. But that is not really what I feel. I am happy, just simply happy.

It had been my dream when I was in high school to write for Youngblood. It remained a dream because I never really submitted anything. I had a lot of stories but I did not have the courage and the confidence. I thought that Youngblood is only for the good creative writers. And I was no creative writer (and I don't consider myself a creative writer even now). Yes, I wrote for my publications in my elementary, secondary and tertiary years - but only news articles and sometimes, editorial, but always from a third person point of view.

Youngblood way of writing just isn't my way.

I stopped patronizing Youngblood during college. Maybe it was my defense mechanism because I knew that I would never realize my dream.

So why am I in Youngblood?

Because I learned that Youngblood contributors are not gods. Just like me and everyone else, they are people here on earth. We share the same space and breathe the same air. They have life experiences - happy and sad; and they, too, are not perfect. I now believe that there is only one qualification in order to be part of Youngblood - you must have a story to tell. And we have a lot of stories to share! Therefore, we can all write for Youngblood.

Youngblood is not as high as I thought it was.

I have always been insecure as a writer. This insecurity is manifested even in this Blog. I knew that I have limitations. I had more posts months ago than recently. When I realized that fellow writers read and have read my posts, I became conscious, thus, I stopped writing. This YB experience somehow gave me assurance that my writing is not so bad.

I don't want to make a big deal out of this. But come on, this is a dream come true! So for me, this is somehow big. Hehe.

And many will not escape my thanks!

Jude - the guy who gave me the idea that Youngblood is within reach. Thanks for encouraging me, although you may not be aware of it :-)
Ate and Eric - Guys, nauna ako sa inyo!!! Kayo rin ha. I had my first experience of YB through them. They were and still are avid fans of it. They cut articles from Inquirer that's why the articles were always available for my consumption.
Mama - for believing in whatever I do, whether I'm good at them or not. Imagine, she actually believes that I'm a good singer and dancer! But then, she's a mother. She would believe in anything.
Papa - well, he's not really a fan of a "me-myself-and-I" way of writing. He would probably not consider my article a journalistic piece. But thanks for the genes anyway, hehe.
Bro Willy and the people who inspired me to live a Marist life and commit myself to service.
Fans and supporters - especially Menardo, Ma'am Tess, Sir Jet, VOICE (2003-2006), VOX and SSG pipol, former classmates, dearest friends, etc.
Journalism mentors - Mama, Ma'am Badet, Sir Gilbert, etc.
And yeah, my two most favored stuffed toys - Emmy and Rolly, for the companionship and loyalty.

Oh, I almost forgot. I celebrated my 22nd birthday three (3) days ago and this is the best gift I have received. In a lunch with friends, I was asked what my birthday wish was. And I said this: I want to have an article of mine published in Youngblood. Of everything I could have wished and asked for at the moment, this had been my answer. And yes, it was given. Thanks :-)

Note: I'm not sure if I'm really on Youngblood. I was informed through text by both Jude and Bro Willy, but the August 26 issue of the newspaper is not available at the Library and the latest YB article on Inquirer.net is dated August 23. There is still the possibility that I reacted too early. Hehe. Hopefully, this is not a joke.

Changes in my Blog

2008-08-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

I have done some self-assessment lately and I realized how self-centered I had been. This trait is even reflected in my blogs. This site had become an exclusive "Me-Myself-and-I" account. I won't stop writing about my reflections and personal stories but they will be posted in http://zeareflect.blogspot.com/. This blog, which is my primary account, will be for the more meaningful and relevant articles on social issues.

Our country is in the midst of financial, political, economic, spiritual and all other forms of disorder. And what have I written or said about all these? None. I had been passive and non-committal. I'm not really expected to directly contribute in making things better but I know that I should at least react or anything.

This afternoon, I will attend a talk on understanding the GRP-MILF going-ons. See, I don't even know what the "going-ons" actually mean. I don't think I will understand everything in a two-hour symposium, but it's a start.

I will try to relive the good days of meaningful journalism.

Losing and (Hopefully) Finding Myself

2008-08-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

Am I lost? Not literally. But I feel so lost.

I couldn't write. I don't want to read. I have sleeping problems. I again start to question things. I'm so bored. Yes, I still like what I'm doing. I don't think quitting is an option. It's just that I want more but I don't know what the "more" means.

Maybe I ask a lot from myself. Maybe I think a lot. Maybe I'm ok. Maybe I'm not.

And many more maybes.

Or maybe I like the idea of being like this. Because I'm bored. Whatever. Anyway, I won't blog for a while. I'm drained. And I want to try doing other things. Jeez, I'm so inconsistent.

Be happy everyone! Or try to be. Whatever.

Ciao. For now

Free Merienda

2008-08-13T01:37:00.000-07:00

Gosh, this is so nakakahiya. I got both free internet use and merienda today.

I've been in front of this computer for almost two hours (or more than two hours) already when Ma'am Bibing (that's what she was called by another teacher) invited me to join them in their merienda here at the Internet Lab.

I tried to refuse but she was very insistent. She even called my Zhy (with the "H" sound). I kinda like the way she said that.

I have so many nicknames here at NDMU. Dean Mendoza calls me Riza. Other co-teachers call me Raiz, Zey/Zei, Zai or Riz. My original nickname is Barbie. Okay, I have totally departed from the subject of this blog.

We had bread and bihon (just got back in front of this computer after a 20-minute break), which was bought by Miss Bingbing. I'll get her name from other sources later.

It's payday today so everyone is in a generous mood. I hope I finally get Erwin's promised durian(which is long overdue already).

Ciao. Time to log out (self-imposed).

Perfect Scores

2008-08-12T19:47:00.000-07:00

I want my students to get perfect scores. A week before the examinations, I gave them individual and group review quizzes, hoping that this strategy will increase their chances of mastering the topics. Aside from review quizzes, I also scheduled consultations.

I give this assurance: my exam items were easy and had been discussed thoroughly in class. Yes, there were a few tricky questions; but if they would really analyze, they’d easily get them right.

I teach business subjects and all of them, in one way or another, are related to management. The first function of management is planning, which starts with setting goals and objectives. I constantly inspire my students to practice this and in the process, I, too, have set my goals.

And for this midterm exams, I was hoping (still am hoping) that many would get perfect scores. But now, it seems that such is too much to ask.

Six of my seven classes have already taken their exams. I have checked more than a hundred out of almost 300 papers on hand.

No perfect score yet. The highest score so far is 69 over 70. What's alarming is that some students got less than half of the total. I don't want to be disappointed or frustrated. I do not want negative feelings to rule over me.

Maybe perfect scores aren't so important. I don't think they mind not getting perfect. Many are actually satisfied with passing marks. So I better stop assuming that they feel the same way I do. Perfect scores (in minor subjects) ruled over my life when I was in college. I could never forgive myself then if I had mistakes.

Again, they are not me.

Still, I'm hoping that they be motivated to be serious in their studies - listen to discussions, read books/materials, set goals and achieve them, etc. And if they can, I hope that they get perfect in exams; if not this midterms, then in the finals.

I'm Not Unhappy!

2008-08-12T02:37:00.000-07:00

My bbf (best bud forever) Kris, at my urging, finally bought a sun cellular sim. We haven’t talked for a month so there was a major catching up. The call lasted 20 minutes.

The two topics of our talk were their review and my life here at Marbel.

He gave me the latest news on their end – preboard scores, dorm feuds, sacrifices, sufferings and the hesitations on taking the October CPA Licensure Exams.

May of them, including him, are considering prolonging their agony (review) to ensure that they pass the board on their first take. The results of their 2nd preboard weren’t so good. So I gave my unsolicited advice: take the board on October!

There is no difference between taking the board this October and fail; and taking it in May. Because if they fail in October, then they take the exams again on May. At least they would already know what awaits them.

There is not much to lose but there is so much to gain. Of course, there is the possibility of passing. If not totally passing, they may become "conditional", meaning, they will only have to retake two subjects on May. With the latter, at least they can start working on November; or can concentrate reviewing the subjects to be taken again.

Great. The one who is not sweating and having sleepless nights, the classmate who will not take the exams and who does not know whether she will be able to actually take it (that's me), spoke as if she knew a lot.

I somehow feel guilty (just "somehow"). While the whole class is there in the battlefield - others are on the verge of crying and others are actually crying, here I am, living a relaxed life at Marbel.

Speaking of my life, it has become an issue, too. Apparently, when Kris dropped by at our place in GenSan to give the first draft for the yearbook, my mother took the opportunity to share what she believes is my unhappy life.

My parents visited me two weeks ago and my mother claims that her precious beloved (and spoiled) child is not happy because of the ff. reasons:
1. I have a witch landlady. (Why did I tell her what I feel for that woman?!)
2. I don't know anyone in the dorm. So my dormmates aren't my friends. According to mom, what if something happens to me, who would help?
3. My room is ugly, smelly and gloomy. Come on, as if our house in GenSan is a palace.
4. I have no one to talk to. Rebuttal: I talk to my stuffed toys. They listen and actually answer back. Hehe.
5. The water smells foul. No problem really because aside from my being deaf and half-blind, I also have a very poor sense of smell.

Had she openly asked me if I am happy or unhappy, she will surely be assured that there is nothing to worry.

Why did I have to hear her sentiments from a third party? She tried to tell me last weekend. I did not let her go on because I never really thought that she was serious. Now, Kris believes that I am unhappy and would probably tell the rest of our friends, too. I won't explain. I have nothing to explain!

I don't understand how they equate happiness with clean water or a nice landlady. Funny.

I am not unhappy. I'm not very happy, too. I'm fine; and I am fine with just being fine. I hope that makes sense.

My Taxi File

2008-08-11T17:50:00.000-07:00

Last night, I read a youngblood article entitled The Taxi Files. And I remembered a not-so-happy incident concerning a taxi ride in Manila a year ago.

I'm a courteous person. I have respect for the elders and I am extra-sensitive to the poor. But I am extremely opinionated and principled. And I will never keep my mouth shut if I feel that I am, or any person, is abused. I will always defend my friends regardless of situation.

We took a taxi ride from Mall of Asia to Market-Market in Taguig. Taxis are required to use the meter system where passengers must pay what's on the meter. But taxi drivers in Manila have this illegal system of imposing a mark up. If you won't agree, they would not accommodate you.

There were six of us in the group. We would not fit in one taxi so we divided the group into two. Daryl and James were with me while Inday and Rom were with Sir Mark. The other group left first, with an agreement with the driver that they pay P30 mark up (additional to the bill). It took us longer to find a taxi who's willing to take us to Taguig. Grrr, they were so papresyo. Finally, one taxi was willing. The driver was talking to the other drivers there while we put our luggage in the taxi. We did not really listen to them. What's important was that we could finally leave.

When we reached Market-Market, with the others already there, I paid what's on the meter and an additional P30. But the driver insisted that during the negotiation with the other drivers at MOA, it was decided that we pay a P50 mark-up. Great, so other drivers negotiated on our behalf.

I was almost willing to pay without complaints. I was tired and I wanted the driver to just get lost. But James was arguing with the driver. He was talking about fairness and all. If I gave in to the driver's demands without a fight, James would have felt betrayed. The three from the other taxi were also butting in. Daryl didn't care because he didn't have money anyway. And he knew I'd pay the bill.

James set out the status quo, meaning, how much mark-up the other group paid. I knew that the debate would go on and on if I did not put a closure. For the sake of argumentation, I told the driver (shouted is probably more reflective): Wala kayong values. Walang love of work! In the first place, we are only required to pay what's on your meter. There, go take P50. Sana masaya na kayo. Mukhang pera.

Yeah, I said a lot. The driver did not give his rebuttals. He took the money and left.

What did my act accomplish?
James did not feel defeated.
We felt that we applied our principles and we held on to Sir Mark's famous motto (popular to us): It's not about the money, it's the act.
We felt that we were more value-oriented people than the driver/s in Manila.

Did it prove that I was a better person than that driver? No. I actually stooped down to his lowly level.

I don't really know how it could have been handled more appropriately. Anyway, I'm not looking back wishing I didn't say what I said. And if anything could be changed, I would have conveyed my message in a nicer way.

But can there really be a nicer way in telling a greedy person that he has no values?

Slash

2008-08-09T18:56:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to have my hair cut for many months now. I wanted to have a new look last Christmas, for graduation, before my first day at work and many times in between. But I never had the courage and energy to enter a salon and just get on with it.

Mother wanted me to keep my hair long and has many times told me that cutting it would break her heart. I don't know how having a haircut could affect her so much. I heeded because I constantly reminded myself that it was I who made all the decisions in everything else in my life. My hairstyle is such a small thing.

But looking at the mirror everyday and seeing how ugly, brittle and consumed with split ends my hair was, the urge to have a haircut became greater. And yesterday, when I couldn't take it anymore and while my parents were out, I finally went to a salon.

I was lying on the couch watching tv, then got up supposedly to get something to eat. Then the thought once again occurred, I want a haircut. I knew that there is a salon on the next block. Without rationalizing, I got my comb and purse and headed for the salon. Some five minutes later, I found myself knocking on the gate of a house that had a signboard "Angel's Salon" (if I remember it right).

An old lady came out and I told her that I want a haircut. "May sakit si Angel, umiinom nga kami ng orange juice kasi wala s'yang panlasa," she answered. Then Angel came out saying that it's okay, she can manage. I hesitated a little but I could not turn away and say No, I don't trust this kid (she looks like a high school student) with my hair. I'm also very idle and I don't like the idea of going back home to get changed so that I will be presentable in going to a salon in the city. That would be too time and energy consuming. That salon and the kid were good enough.

When I got inside the house (salon), she asked what kind of cut I wanted and what length did I want it to be. There were no magazines to check out and I know only two styles, slash and straight. I didn't think I wanted it straight so I said I wanted a slash. She got a pair of scissors that looked like normal scissors, not the type used in normal salons. Oh my. And I thought that perhaps I was getting punished because I was betraying my mother and having my hair cut behind her back. But I did not complain and I decided to trust the sick girl. Good luck to my hair.

I tried not to look at how she was doing her thing. But I could make out that she did not do it the same way other stylists did. Huhu. Still, she heard nothing from me.

While she was cutting (and slashing?) my hair, my thoughts wandered. I remembered that it was years ago when I had my last haircut. And many times before, the decision was always easy to make. I did it when something major came to my life - I was very happy over something, I got an award or citation, my heart got broken, I was letting go of things/people, etc. And I asked myself, So what happy or heartbreaking thing happened to me? But I couldn't point out anything. For the first time, I had my hair cut because I wanted it cut. Period. It's not really very ugly. I have only given that as an excuse. I also did not do it because I wanted to defy my mother. It breaks my heart every time I defy her. Yet I always do. Hehe.

After thirty minutes, I was back in front of the television. Done is my hair. Did the sick young stylist make me beautiful? No, for I still have the same face and features. But I surely felt better because I finally did it. I hope that every morning when I look in the mirror, I wouldn't say bad things about my hair anymore. But then, if I do, my hair can still get shorter. Hehe.

Note: Mama did not even realize I had a haircut!!! How could she?! My hair is now three or more inches shorter. Something must be very wrong with her eyes. But it's a good thing. At least I did not have to explain. And what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Hehe

Sketches and Eyeglasses

2008-08-07T19:47:00.000-07:00

I don’t know what specific event or thought made me remember the visits I had with my classmates to the museums in Manila some ten years ago. The point is, I remember those visits.

I majored in Visual Arts at Philippine High School for the Arts; and going to the museums and seeing the works of visual artists were a meaningful and relevant integration. We were groomed to become artists. We at least should know those who set the foundations and standards in Philippine visual arts.

We went to at least five museums; the more popular ones were the Meralco Theatre and the National Museum. Those two housed the known works of Juan Luna, Felix Resureccion Hidalgo, Fernando Amorsolo, etc. I claim to be a fan of Hidalgo because he isn’t as popular as Luna. I sort of have something against popular and commercial people.

I was amazed when I saw the Spolarium. It welcomed us as we entered the National Museum. I read and heard a lot about it but never thought it was very big until I saw it. I asked my fellow students how it was transported from Europe and how it entered the Museum. They didn't know and I don't think they cared. It sure would not fit in the entrance door. Did it enter through the ceiling? But it couldn’t even be carried in a helicopter. I got the answer some years later. Apparently, that very big painting was divided into smaller squares of canvas. But when I looked at it, I never noticed the divisions. I don’t know how they put the canvas together or how Juan Luna drew such a huge painting. It must have taken years! Still, it did not make me a fan of Juan Luna. I heard a story about him shooting his wife and in-law. I'm not really sure if the story is true or not.

Seeing the great artists' works was supposed to motivate us. I don't think it had such effect on me. At the time, I knew already that I wouldn't be able to paint anything near or comparable to the "Spolarium." But I agree that those artists are simply amazing. They put their minds, hearts, bodies and souls to their craft; and their efforts surely paid off.

What amazed me most were not the popular works in the big museums but the less popular and the unrecognized ones in the smaller museums. Framed and hanging on the walls were the sketches made by recognized artists. Pencils were used in many of the works. Others were simply drafts and outlines. Yet they were framed. And they looked really good. It was obvious that true artists' hands drew those. And while the huge paintings did not motivate me, I was greatly inspired by the etchings. Perhaps I knew that I was capable only of those.

At the young age of 12, I imagined my sketches framed and hanging on museums. It kept me drawing for a year. I loved drawing with pencils and I was so bad with the paint brush. That I accepted.

Another meaningful event in my short-lived pursuit to become an artist was a visit to the house of Jose Rizal in Calamba, Laguna. The house is considered a museum and it was well-preserved. The rooms still had the things of our national hero and his family. At the back was the garden and a play house where the young Jose Rizal and his siblings played in.

As much as I appreciated the trip and seeing the house, these did not change what strong negative opinion I had (and still have) for the man. I didn’t like Rizal even then because he was heavily motivated by fame and honor. I read stories of him, when he was as young as 5 years old, where he predicted that he will one day become famous. When teased by his sisters, he told them that he may be small but will one day be a big name in the history of his country. Of course, this may not be entirely true and may only be a product of Zaide’s or some other author’s exaggeration. They thought that this is a plus factor to our national hero. But if we look deeper, it would show that Rizal already exhibited worldly motivations even at such an early age. Oh no, many Rizalians would probably get mad if they read this.

Many of Jose Rizal's things were placed on glass cases. Included there were two or three pairs of his old and worn out eyeglasses. I was already wearing glasses then. And they were worn out, too!! And I thought, "When I grow up, my glasses will be put on glass cases like this one inside a museum." I was no different from Rizal. At an age a little older than he was when he predicted his fame, I had the same worldly motivations - to become great and known, that even my eyeglasses would be showcased.

I wanted the same things which made me dislike our national hero. But the need to be famous did not last long. I don't really know which came first - knowing that such motivation is not too value-oriented or the realization that I did not have the talent to become great. Anyway, if my glasses will one day be worthy to be placed in a museum, I don't think the viewers would appreciate what they'd see. I got the worst glasses anyone could set eyes on. No, I don't think I'd be proud to showcase them. Viewers would probably say, "Geez, can eyeglasses get this bad? This great owner must be one very irresponsible person." It's a good thing then that I will not be the next Jose Rizal or Juan Luna.

Note: This post is sort of a joke... This is not a product of a thinking mind and this is very much unedited. I typed this during a short break... Might erase this later.

Kuya

2008-08-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted an older brother – someone who would pamper and spoil me; a protector from bad elements; and a guy I could brag of to my lady friends.

I never got one, for of course, my mother could not bring back time just to give birth to my very much wanted Kuya. So when I met him, he was like sent from heaven, an answered prayer. He spoiled me and defended me. He is proud of me and he, too, is someone I could be proud of.

We could always talk about anything and everything. I could be in my worst and he would not mind. He could be in his worst and he’d allow me to scold him.

But things have suddenly changed. Now, when we see each other, we cannot anymore talk spontaneously. I do not know what to tell him and vice versa. It’s sad because I’d rather not see him than we are in each other’s company but are lost and uncomfortable. I’m not sure how this happened. We are not anymore living up to the kuya-sister act.

I'm No Blogging Addict

2008-08-04T00:55:00.000-07:00

Bo Sanchez wrote:
All addictions, whether to drinks, food, shopping or sex, are an escape from feelings we don't want to face.

Very well said. And it supports my claim that I'm no blogging addict!! I'm spending an hour or so a day, I seldom miss (but I did for almost a week, straight), on blogging - writing and reading blogs. At some point, the thought occurred to me that perhaps I'm beginning to become addicted to this. Or I already am addicted.

I always justify that this is not an addiction, but a way to express myself - feelings, thoughts, ideas, interests, etc.

And after I've read Bo's article about negative emotions - how people sometimes run away from them through their addictions, I feel better. . . Because I certainly am not running from negative emotions through blogging.

Blogging has given me a way to acknowledge negativities and conquer them. Yehey! I'm no blogging addict.

Haha. I'm reading inspirational books. Ate Kamz said (or implied) that an excellent reader reads anything and everything. Why am I justifying myself? Really, Bo's articles are funny, amusing, sometimes self-centered but you can surely relate. And yes, they are quite inspiring, too.

PS: I am not blogging as much as I used to; not really because I have not much to say. . . I don't know. Maybe I'm over the "overwhelmed" stage. But I still intend to keep blogging.

Stall No. 4

2008-07-31T01:59:00.000-07:00

I am like most people - I form judgments. It's inevitable. I was given brains, thus, I think, I rationalize, I see the good. And yes, I see the bad, too....

As a new member of the College of Business Administration Faculty, I spend most of my free time at the Faculty Room - checking test papers, blogging (we got a computer with internet access), reading, sleeping, etc. When I get bored, there is the canteen to go to. I love to eat! Well, that is if my eating disorder does not prevail. But because our office is located directly in front of the canteen, I can't help but check out the food, and ultimately eat.

There are five stalls, each serving its own specialties. The first two stalls are usually the most crowded. They serve more viands compared to the other three. They put the food that they offer behind a glass something.

The third stall serves viands in covered trays (that's what these things are called according to Erwin). And because the trays are covered, consumers need to take off the covers first before they will know what exactly the food being served is. That is not very convenient. And there is also an assumption that if you dare take off the covers and check out the food, the food servers will expect you to buy. They would ask, "Ano inyo Ma'am?" And because you do not want to offend them, you will be forced to buy. For that reason, very few dare check what's hidden on those trays. I have not yet bought any viand from Stall No. 3.

I don't really care about Stall No. 5. It could exist or evaporate. I, together with many others, probably would not notice.

So we now go to Stall No. 4. This is nothing personal. I am making this clear: I have nothing against the stall, food, owner and/or servers. I just have a lot to say. Hehe.

Stall No. 4 does not attract many buyers. They serve just two viands which do not look enticing. The owner and her helper are not engaging people. And they are guilty of so many other marketing violations.

The owner is probably the slowest moving person I've seen. Her clients are already filling and she couldn't care less. If she is texting, she would not put down her phone until she's finished. And she texts a lot! And you may be giving your order, and she would only look up at you (for a long time). It takes me three times at an average to say what I want before she makes a move.

But why do I keep coming back? Because I wouldn't really be able to say a lot unless I go there a lot. Well, I may not like her and her marketing mix, but I am addicted to her banana cue. This post was supposed to be entitled "Banana Cue", but a specific experience earlier made me change the title and the course of this story. For now, on banana cue, I'd like to share that I have never been this attached to any food as I am to this one. I consume around four in a day!!! This is the only reason why I tolerate seeing that owner and her helper.

So, let us go now to the specific experience... I liked the look of her chicken-something viand and placed my order, one-half cup of rice and that viand. Then, the helper said, "Hindi kami naga-serve ng half Ma'am." Without second thoughts, I said "ok" and walked away. Haha. I heard the slow-moving owner call me and say, "Ma'am, ok lang po." I'm so mean, but it gave me a little happiness to have turned away from them. They forgot one thing: they need consumers more than we need them. We make the choices.

I did not get mad. I had fun. I hope they learned their lesson there: be flexible. I'm not a person who keeps grudges (but then, how can I when I claim to have had fun). Geez, I'm so mean.

Anyway, I came back for the banana cue. And will come back again and again for it. I might try the "half-rice" order again. And the walk out. Hehe

Going Places

2008-07-29T02:48:00.000-07:00

For two months, I've been waiting for an opportunity to engage in activities that entail going to other places, like how it was in my school years. And finally, this opportunity came yesterday - to go to a community in Lambayong, Sultan Kudarat to give out relief goods to the people who were victims of Typhoon Frank.

I have so much to say and share, yet I could not find the right words. Actually, I can try, but I have no enough time or energy for writing that story right now. I want to do the experience some justice so storytelling will have to wait.

I would not say that it was fun. No, it wasn't.... But it was certainly a moving and learning experience.

GMA and Leadership

2008-07-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

I did not see and hear GMA’s state of the nation address. I don’t care about what she has done or what she will do. Her name and the whole of her being – just everything about her, are tainted. She can get defensive or play “paawa” and I don’t care. I’m giving comments and airing my opinion not because I care about her but because I care about my self and the Filipino people (and I’m excessively opinionated).

I consider myself a leader, too. I may not have held positions that would qualify even for one tenth or one hundredth of hers but I believe that I know more about leadership. (Haha, pamati) Leadership is not about me, myself and I; it’s about other people, those whom I am serving. I may be doing everything which I believe is good for them. I may give all my time, efforts and energy - but these are no assurance that I am being a good leader.

A leader is like a product. If the customers do not like you, whether you are good for their health or not, you are not good enough. Like a product, the leader’s quality is measured by customer satisfaction.

In Gloria’s situation, come on, who’s satisfied?!

PS: I hope rejectig GMA is as easy as rejecting or vommitting (I like this better, hehe) a product.

Go for Peace

2008-07-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

With Rey, EIC of the NDMC Pub; Jay Pee, fellow student leader at NDDU and Rean, SSG Officer from NDMC - student peace advocates

I saw this pix somewhere..... then copied it. What is its relevance aside from having me in it? It's a remembrance of my peace advocacy years in college. I hope there are opportunities to still actively take part in this advocacy.

Superheroes

2008-07-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

I watched Hancock last Saturday - the first movie I have watched in more than two months (I don't remember the last one) and my very first here in Marbel.

It was another superb performance (my opinion) from Will Smith. Had another actor played the role, I would not have appreciated the movie. I wasn't expecting for a literal modern day superhero. Will Smith did not exactly have the "superhero" look on the movie poster. So I was quite surprised to see the man flying.

A lot of times, Hancock was on the verge of crying, or perhaps, he already was crying. Lesson is, Men do cry, even the strongest and most powerful ones. And such act does not make them less manly. I think he's the first superhero I've seen who came closest to crying. Or did I see Spiderman cry? Oh, I don't remember.

Speaking of Superheroes, do they exist in reality? Nah, never in the past, at present or in the future, unless mutations will give rise to the existence of mutants like X-Men. That's not happening in the near future or in my lifetime. I hope it won't happen at all.

So why do we create images and stories of superheroes when we know that they never existed and will never exist? Moviemakers, storytellers and artists probably would reason that superheroes are products of their creativity and great imagination. Art is art, regardless of it's being realistic or not.

But superheroes would not gain much popularity unless they are patronized by people. Yes, superhero stories are popular because we crave for them. We want them to solve our biggest problems on the spot. We need them to fight criminals. We want them to protect us from everything bad. And we want them to have feelings and fall in love with us, thus, we want them to be humans, too. I don't remember a superhero who does not have a love affair.

If they will be humans like us, they, too will be susceptible to errors.They can feel rejection. They may get overwhelmed. They can be influenced. And they will have problems as well. And their problems might become our problems, too. They may be working for us at one point and against in another. There is no assurance. There is no security.

More bothering is that we will direct to them all of our burdens and responsibilities. In the long run, we find ourselves very dependent; and we are not anymore capable of taking control of our lives. Everything will be given and when superheroes will suddenly go, die or evaporate, how will we survive?

So do we really need superheroes? I believe not... We are already good as we are. We make mistakes. We learn.

Economy vs Environment

2008-07-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

There have been so many changes in my hometown in just less than two months that I’ve been away.

I was supposed to go to Davao to visit friends and take exams at Ateneo. But due to the recent bombings and threats, I decided to postpone the trip. I spent Friday night at home and went back here in Marbel today.

But before going back, I had a breakfast date with Lyda. I asked papa to take me to her place in Casa Luisa Village; and on our way there, we saw tents and some construction activities in the lot in front of SocSarGen Hospital which used to be vacant. Robinson’s Mall is being constructed there. I thought it was just chismis. Apparently, it’s true.

A hundred meters from that site, houses were also being built in what will be Agan Homes Subdivision. There were already a dozen houses which are done. I heard about the said subdivision last April because my bestfriend Kris said then that he’d like to buy a unit. And at that time, Lyda told us that all the units have already been sold. So the houses were already sold out even before the very first house was built. Lyda also told Kris that he most likely could not afford a unit because the lowest monthly payment is around P7,000. Come on!! That’s the biggest monthly payment for any subdivision unit in GenSan. We live in the subdivision, too, and I believe that our monthly payment is only P2,000plus. But then, we’ve been living there for almost 15 years now.

That area is residential although there are many vacant lots and in not so far away are rice fields. With the construction of Robinson’s, it is inevitable that other commercial establishments will also follow. Businessmen will offer to buy lands from homeowners in the area who most likely will sell their lands because of the tempting high prices. They are not exactly rich people and a P1M offer for a 100 sq. meter land will probably pay off their debts. But that is not really alarming. With the activities and noise in the mall and other establishments even at late nights and early mornings, residents of the area are probably better off somewhere else. But I suggest that they don’t take the first offer. Wait some more, invest in time, be patient and let businessmen continually increase their offers.

Have you heard of rice fields a few hundred meters away from a big mall? That will be the scenario in Lagao and Casa Luisa soon. Right now, tenants are not too worried yet. But when businessmen and investors will start offering big bucks to land owners and others start selling lands, the rest will probably follow. What good is their farm in the middle of commercial establishments? With pollution and toxic wastes produced by such establishments, directly or indirectly, the lands will not anymore be conducive for farming.

Am I in favor of these changes? I really have no strong opinion of the matter but I can point out pros and cons. With the industrial development, there will be an increase in job opportunities. There will also be greater competition, leading to better quality of products and services which are offered at lower prices. Consumers will have more choices; and city and party people will have more venues to have fun. But in exchange for all these, there will be more pollutants, noise and probably crimes, too. What used to be agricultural lands will become industrial. Farmers who rent/lease the lands will lose jobs and they could not be expected to work for commercial firms because they are not qualified.

Economy versus environment has been a topic of many debates since Industrial Revolution. I hope it is possible that we all come out winners out of these changes.

Confessions of a pet lover

2008-07-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

I've always been into animals. I remember, when I was in grade school, I would save my baon to buy chicks. At the time, they were sold at the city market and in a stall in Lagao at P20 each. I've bought more than 10 chicks and only 1 came to live with me until maturity. The others died or were saved by people who could better take care of them. I never allowed my parents or neighbors touch my precious surviving pet chicken.

My father bought me a turtle which I eventually lost. Well, it actually escaped. I'm a freedom-lover and I did not want my pets to feel as though they were prisoners. I left my turtle in a planggana. Later, it swam in the canal and of course never came back.

Because my parents tried very hard not to play favorites (or pretended that there is no favorite), they bought my siblings and I three ducklings, one for each of us. It was just a front; for my sister and brother were never into pets. I claimed all three ducklings and my siblings couldn't care less. My joy with having them was a little longer than with the turtle. They at least spent the night with me, on my bed, and the next day swam in the canal. Never even bothered to say good bye! They, too, never came back. I've had birds, white mice and cats as well.

My fondness for animals is probably attributed to missing farm life and the animals we used to have. . .

But when I was in high school, I forgot about them. I was busy with barkada, activities, UAAP, movies, contests, crushes and orgs. While in college (in later years), my interest in having pets again surfaced. I got a dog which looks like the one in the movie, The Mask. I'm not sure of the breed but it's no asong kalye, although I got teased by friends that my beloved dog was ugly. It's small, playful and very much into me. I named him Du, the term of endearment of a special friend and I (eeewww).

During Regional PRISAA held in GenSan where I was a facilitator, I stayed at school even in the evenings. One time when I went home to get clothes, Du was making kulit and followed the trisikad when I left. The dog must have missed me so much. I thought he could find his way back home because he usually did. Apparently, he never came back. My parents thought that I took him to school because I have done so many times before.

When I learned that he's missing, after PRISAA when I finally got home, I was broken. I swore that I will find him no matter what. I felt very guilty because I did not make sure that he was safe at home. He must have tried to really get to me and eventually got lost.

With my brother, who does everything I tell him to do, I looked for Du first in our subdividion, then in the purok and barangay. We walked and walked, called out his name but no Du emerged. After months, I still looked around, hoping that I'd find him. But I never did.

I thought I'd never have another dog. Then came Twofi. Why the name, it's a long story.... He's a labrador. At four months, he was already big but could not walk yet. I carried him a lot then. He's got these wonderful, expressive eyes. I really loved Twofi. But it was hard taking care of such a big dog. And he has o.a. and exag needs - shampoos, food, etc.

He was very attached to me, like most labradors are to their owners. He'd like us to play always. I just didn't have the time. When I'd leave for school, he'd cry but I couldn't do anything about it. He'd run to me and spoil my uniform. A lot of times, I went to school not in uniform because Twofi got them dirty. Speaking of dirt, he poops a lot, too! And the time came when I didn't want to look at him anymore because it would be hard to get away, physically and emotionally.

My parents were busy as well so we had to let him go. He was given to a co-teacher of my mother who promised to give us a child of Twofi. It was sad parting with him but at least I know where he is, and that he's safe.

Then came Mac2X. I bought him from a friend of a friend - half Japanese spitz (?) and half something else. He's really very cute and is such an attention seeker. He has some eeww habits though. His favorite activity was masturbating on my big lion stuffed toy. I never held that lion toy again.

I know I could keep Mac but when a cousin visited and took an interest in him, my parents found an easy way to rid of my dog. I couldn't complain much because I wasn't the one grooming him. I was always out. I never cleaned his dirt. I wasn't being a responsible pet owner. And they promised that Mac would be available when I am available. So Mac is with my cousin now and is very much loved there.

But the pet that had the biggest impact in my life is Cara, my baby rabbit. This story got this long and far, without my intention, but the real story lies in Cara. After the introduction, finally, we got to her. . . .

Cara was bought in Gaisano when she was two weeks old. She was very cute and adorable, with yellow hairs. Everyone just loved her. She was popular among fellow student leaders, too. They would drop by at the SSG Office to have a look at her and bring her food. Officers never complained even if the office and the tables were filled with Cara's dirt. She was part of all the activities - Acquaintance parties, meetings, etc. I brought her to Water Gran for the Leadership Seminar but left her on the second day to my colleagues because I had to go back to GenSan for a competition. When I got back to her, she was sick. She would not eat and was in a very poor condition. The inevitable happened, Cara died. And her first death anniversary was last July 21, 2008.

That was one of the saddest days of my life, not only because I lost a pet I loved so much but because I received one of the most important lessons in life the hard way. As a human being, I took control over other beings, in this case, Cara, but I was not responsible. I treated Cara as a trophy, a pet to show off to other people. She was constantly passed from one hand to another like she's a toy. I gathered all the rewards of being the pet owner but I never really took care of her. All these I acknowledged during the memorial service my co-officers and I gave to Cara.

Her remains lie at the grounds of Water Gran. And she will forever remind me and all the others whose lives she touched that we must not take for granted those that are given to us and that we must always be responsible.

Many times I was tempted to buy another rabbit but never got to. It's either I reminded myself of Cara or I got reminded by friends and family about her. Oftentimes it's the latter. In time, when I am ready, I will again have another bunny....

Find Your Way Out

2008-07-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

Women empowerment is one of the goals of gender equality advocacy.... I hope my opinion is not exaggerated.

There is balance in everything - yin and yang, positive and negative, north and south, right and left. Therefore, for every entrance, there is an exit.

I have no choice, we hear this lots of times, and more often from married unhappy women who cling to their marriage; who could not leave their abusive, idle, drunkard husbands because they stick to the vow - for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. Death may actually come sooner to them if they will not take actions.

If your husband does not respect you now, do not expect too much that he'd change in the future. And if he does, it's most likely for worse!

I have nothing against getting married. I admire couples whose partnership and love grow stronger each day. I only speak strongly about abusive and unhappy marriages - physical, financial, psychological and emotional torture.

You have a choice. You may have chosen to get married but you do not have to stay married if it's demeaning or killing you. There is an exit. You can choose a happier and better life. You deserve that.

If you feel that you are not given justice as a person and as a child of God, leave. . . The God who created us does not even harm us, so why would we allow others to do so.

But what if I couldn't find a door out? Look at the door where you got in. It could not evaporate. From the outside, it's called an entrance; and from the inside, it may be your exit door. Mind you, this entrance-exit concept applies to almost anything, not just in relationships. . .

A Gender-Fair World

2008-07-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

The quest for gender fairness and equality is a long battle. Are we winning? I believe so....

There have been so many positive changes already. And we have to thank the courageous people of the past and present who fought and are fighting for this cause.

Women now have equal rights with men - to vote, work, own property, etc. Gender is not anymore limited to the concepts and standards set on being men and women.

On the surface, we can say that we can now choose how to live our life, who our partners will be, what our personal choices are in clothes, style, profession, etc.

But beyond the surface, we still battle with judgmental people, some laws and the norms in our society.

This had been a long battle indeed. And the fight is not yet over. Let us choose the right side....

Four years ago, gender equality advocates in NDDU (including me) organized and founded Notre Dame Students Task Force on Gender Awareness and Equality Advocacy (NDSTF-GAEA) . NDSTF was Virgilio's idea while GAEA was John's. It is only now, as I read in a material, that I learned that GAEA is more than an acronym. GAEA is the goddess of the Earth, a symbol of women empowerment...... hehe, I should have known earlier.

CBA Acquaintance Party: Thumbs Up!

2008-07-20T04:09:00.000-07:00

More than a thousand students attended the College of Business Administration Acquaintance Party yesterday, July 19 at the NDMU Gymnasium.

The venue was very well-decorated and everything was just wonderful. Students were grouped, six in all, and were given group names which include a color and an animal. The color red was of course coupled with horse, gold with eagle and white with rabbit. Not very original but we were nevertheless amused.

There were interactive activities like dance showdown wherein all members of each group gathered in the center to dance, one group at a time. Members of the CBA Indak demonstrated the steps and the students followed.

The CBA Dean led the faculty in a showdown against the CBA Indak dancers. And the Faculty won! As judged by the students. It was not a showdown where the better dancers prevailed, I admit.... The final performance was the final and only practice. It was practically a follow-the-leader activity. But the students seemed to have fun so everyone was happy, which of course is the most important of all.

At times like this, when I am left alone with nothing to do but sit and look, although hundreds of people are around, my thoughts wander..... to the future, to the unknown. I travel to the deepest part of my heart and soul. And while the students partied, I wrote my stories (on my phone) until the battery drained....

Ukay

2008-07-19T00:12:00.000-07:00

During city or town celebrations and festivals, folks look forward not only to the competitions, concerts and events but also to flea markets.

The plaza is usually packed with tents which offer various products - cheap bracelets and earrings; pirated cds and dvds; toys and more.

For the past five years or so, as more and more people patronize ukay2x items, these stuff conquered the flea markets as well. Ukay stuff are second-hand clothes (shirts, dresses, pants, shorts, etc.), bags and shoes.

I myself am a certified ukay girl. They say that doing ukay is a talent, then at least I have one talent to boast of. More than half of my blouses are bought from ukay2x stalls in GenSan, Cotabato and Kidapawan. I have yet to buy ukay blouses here in Marbel.

While I am proud of this talent and the amount I save because I need not buy expensive branded clothes, I could not be too proud to be part of a big corrupt system.

I learned years ago that the stuff we call ukay should go the less fortunate. They are donations from people in the first world countries - intended to be given to the victims of calamities, to those who live in the depressed areas and to the needy who could not afford to buy clothes. But as the items reach the shores of our country, these relief goods are sold by officials to ukay stall owners. The goods never reach their supposed destinations.

Sad, right? And what is more sad is that we seem to be blind or we pretend to be blind from all these. Why, I even bought a pair of red doll shoes from ukay yesterday. I'm no hypocrite, I love the red shoes...

FYI: A flea market is a place where vendors come to sell or trade their goods. The goods are usually inexpensive and range in quality depending on several factors, which might include urban or rural location, part of the country, or popularity or size of the flea market.

The original flea market is likely to be the Marché aux puces of Saint-Ouen, Seine-Saint-Denis, in the northern suburbs of Paris. It is a large, long-established outdoor bazaar, one of four in Paris. They earned their name from the flea-infested clothing and rags sold there.

My Art

2008-07-17T02:20:00.000-07:00

I realized just now that it's really hard to forget the things which had been part of my life; even though I have temporarily (and for a long time) turned away from them.

As a kid, I thought I'd be an artist when I grow up (when is the grown-up stage exactly?). I amused my relatives with drawings on our grounds although I don't think my parents were amused with the carvings and drawings on walls, cabinets and tables.

I spent my elementary years joining, and lots of times, winning arts competitions. There were so many events that elementary schools celebrate - Linggo/Buwan ng Wika, Nutrition Month, United Nations Month, etc. And part of the celebrations were poster making competitions. My mother is a teacher in the same school where I studied so my siblings and I always had great support in our art. She'd conceptualize what we would draw, thus, much of our glory is attributed to her.

And because visual arts was such a great part of my life then, I applied for a scholarship at Philippine High School for the Arts. PHSA is a haven for the future great artists of the country. It is located in Mt. Makiling, Los Banos, Laguna. The school is unlike other secondary schools. Students have majors - Visual Arts, Creative Writing, Ballet, Music (singing or instrumental), Dance, Drama (or something like that). Every student has one major. Mine was Visual Arts. There were 40 plus of us in our batch and 12 majoring in Visual Arts.

I got accepted after several examinations, interviews and art sessions. So I guess, they saw potential in me. I learned later though that my acceptance to the school was heavily influenced by the good marks I got in the academic examinations and interviews; while my grades for the art outputs were average. Anyway, I went there to study and pursue what once was my dream - to be a great artist. I actually wanted to be one!!!! Funny it seems now. And so very far from what I have become and the path that I have taken.

So I studied at PHSA.... Where and when did things go wrong (or right) and why am I not working to become the great artist I wanted to be? Haha. I did not last long there. The first months were okay. I had friends from my elementary school who were also scholars there. We were having fun with fellow students in watching (for free) shows in the CCP, roaming in the mountains (which is against the rules), and of course, developing our art.

But I knew that while I can create artworks, I was far behind the real good ones in class. I soon developed insecurities but I was good in not showing them. While I was making tolerable and barely passing marks in my major, I was soaring high in the academics - never out of top 5 and master (among my classmates) in Math. At nights, before we do our plates (that is what we call our artwork), they would ask me to tutor them in Math. I never declined, more because I felt better to be good at something; for I have accepted my position when it comes to our major. But I'm not really the last in the list. Around top 8 in 12. Hehe. Still, for a higly competitive person that I was then, I never intended to settle for that. And, it was obvious, I did not have the talent to be the artist I dreamed to be.

At the end of the school year, I left the school supposedly just to take the summer vacation but I never came back. I did not even bother say final good bye to friends. I forgot about them and moved on with my life at Mindanao State University-High school Department in GenSan. Together with forgetting PHSA and the friends I have made, I also forgot my art....... I never again joined any arts competition. I never held a pen to draw. Never again were my clothes smudged with paint. I totally turned away from arts.

So what about it now? .... Well, I haven't thought about visual arts for a decade. And while going through blogs of other people, I saw this account of an artist where his works are posted. I appreciate his art and their meanings. I realized just now that I could also tell my stories through visual arts. And it came to me that I am now prepared to try again - not to become a great artist, but merely pursue an interest which I have not given justice. Maybe I can finally move on. . . .

TGIT

2008-07-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

Thank God It's Thursday.....

I wouldn't say this on normal weeks. Does this mean this week is not normal? Yeah, sort of. This week is special - the celebrations of the T'nalak Festival and 42nd Foundation Anniversary of South Cotabato. And tomorrow, Friday, is a holiday!!!

I did promise to myself that I will enjoy the celebrations through attending events, buying stuff and ukay2x in the flea market, etc. I attended just one event, the Choir Competition but I have not been to the flea markets YET. I did enjoy..... doing activities not related to the celebrations - sleep, eat, read novels, sleep, eat, it will go on.

But tomorrow I'll conquer the streets!!! Who cares if I'm alone. Hehe

No Regrets

2008-07-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

The National Youth Commission identified days ago the 28 youth delegates from the different regions in the coutry who will represent the Philippines to the 35th Ship for Southeast Asia Youth Program (35th SSEAYP) which will be on October 21- December 25, 2008.

The participants will have a training this week at Tagaytay. The National Youth Commission was calling me yesterday morning. I was aware of the calls. But I could not dare press the 'Answer' button. I saw what was coming. I did not stop what I was doing; and after some 15 minutes and around 8 missed calls, the battery of my phone drained. I let it be. I could have charged the phone but I did not. I waited until I got home in the evening to do the charging.

Apparently, NYC continued its efforts to reach me but decided at 5pm to get a filler for me from the National Capital Region. I myself am supposed to be a filler. One of the female official delegates could not attend the training because she was hospitalized, I had been told through text. I was next in rank, so I was to fill in for her.

I could not join the program and I have my reasons; reasons which I do not have the courage to tell the NYC people. Because in the first place, I applied and showed interest to the program. But things have changed.

Joing the SSEAYP entails leaving NDMU, after working here for only a month and a half. I have to go to Manila for the training and stay there to process documents for travel. I could not drop everything now. I hold seven classes. There may be other faculty members who could fill in but I will cause so much complications, discomfort and burden. I do not have the heart to face the administrators who openly accepted me despite perhaps my lack of qualifications; and tell them now that I'm leaving because of greater opportunities.

By committing to SSEAYP, I will enter the world of uncertainty. I am not really afraid of the uncertain. I am a person who welcomes challenges and adventure. But this is different. There are more entities to consider. And I have found a place for myself already. I love what I do and I have committed myself to so many activities in the College of Business. If I leave, I cannot assume that they will take me back, after leaving them hanging in the air. . .

I do not want to let go of the weekends in GenSan; the sembreak and Christmas break, the only times that I see my brother and spend time with him; the trip to Davao this 26th to see former classmates and take entrance exams for Masteral; the dinners and outings with friends; and more.

Because I seem to have countless excuses, perhaps I don't deserve to be part of the program and the endless possibilities that it can give me - meeting people, going to different countries, engaging in activities. Maybe it is just right that I won't be there.

I don't regret letting the SSEAYP experience slip away but I do regret how badly I responded to the situation. I should have been more responsible. I should have faced them by accepting the call (although I still do not know how I could answer them). Where are my values?! Wasn't I taught that the best and only way to face anything dreadful is to be honest... And this I had not been.

There are lessons learned. I certainly won't be such a coward again. I've learned to check on my priorities and also consider other people. My decisions do not only affect me but also others.

From here, I can only move on. I am happy to be where I am now. I have all the things that make me happy at my hand. I may not be happy about my poor attitude toward NYC but I intend to be more responsible from now on.

I am not a person who lives with "What ifs." At the end of the day, what matters most is that I am the one who makes my choices and I am happy with them (minus not answering the phone).

I hope the NYC won't take this against me, should I hope to apply for other programs in the future. . .

Starstruck

2008-07-15T03:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, you can meet stars through blogging!!! I don't care much about the television or movies now. I don't have access; perhaps I'm not just interested. And I have found a better way to entertain myself - to write and read blogs!!!! I'm new to this world they call blogosphere (is this right?!); and on only my second month, I have posted more than 40 artcles (or whatever they are called). I'm not really into the number of posts. It is just now that I realized I've written that many already.

Okay, so going back to the title, Starstruck. I don't usually get starstruck, even upon seeing stars in person. I've seen Dingdong Dantes and Antoinette Taus during their TGIS days. I was studying at the Philippine High School for the Arts then. I've seen Ara Mina, Jessa Saragosa, Bobby Andrews; haha, even Cristy Fermin in a mall where they were shooting Cristy Per Minute (or something like). Who else? Some Starstruck reality tv show stars, etc. And I never got starstruck!!!

So what's with being starstruck now? Well, I came across the blog of Mikee Lee. . . Know him? He's one of the housemates of the PBB Teen Edition, Kim-Gerald batch. I did not get starstruck the first time I happened to see his blog. I didn't know it was the teen Mikee I've seen on tv. I didn't know Mikee's last name then and he's not really much in the television scene now. Well, good for him. I have nothing against tv people but Mikee is certainly doing better things, for himself and for other people. He is better off preparing himself for bigger commitments than doing very commercial tv ads and shows. I've heard that he's on Y Speak! Now, that is different. The show is just great and they feature and discuss very relevant issues.

So Mikee the writer got me starstruck. He was no star in my eyes as a tv personality but he surely is as a blogger. . . . check out http://meltingpen .blogspot.com.

Okay. So for five minutes I was overwhelmed. I feel better now, my normal self. . . I got over being starstruck. But I've typed this thing already. I don't feel very good about erasing it. So this post will stay. But I'm starstruck no more!!! Hehe
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100 Dreams

2008-07-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

July is Leadership Month in NDDU. The annual leadership training is usually conducted on the third week of this month. So it will be on July 19th this year.

I remember (just now) a particular activity we facilitators underwent two years ago in preparation for the training. Facilitators had to undergo the activities first because we will not be able to have those during the seminar proper.

So the particular activity that I remember now is writing down 1oo dreams. I never got to write a hundred. I wrote around 30. And at the top of my list was to become a CPA Board topnotcher. Funny, it seems now. At the time, it was actually my greatest dream. . .

Hmmm. . . Maybe I'll write down my hundred dreams now and finally complete the list. I'm not really sure whether the topnotch thing is still included. More likely, it is not. But I am sure I can have a hundred others written down.

Si Bob Ong

2008-07-14T18:01:00.000-07:00

Kakaiba itong si Bob Ong. Kilala mo ba sya? Nakakahiya mang sabihin dahil nga sa mundo ng mga manunulat at mahihilig magbasa, ang pangalang Bob Ong ay sikat, ngunit ngayon ko pa lamang kinikilala ang kakaibang manunulat na ito.

Naaalala ko, noong ako ay nasa Manila, Setyembre ng nakaraang taon, kasama ang kapwa mga myembro ng Philippine Marist Youth Council, nabanggit ng aking isang kasamahan, si Marky, na magaling na manunulat itong si Bob. Wala akong masyadong interes dahil nalaman ko mula sa nasabing kaibigan, si Marky nga, na ang panulat ni Bob ay sa wikang Filipino.

Dahil sa masyadong papuri ng aking kaibigan at para siya ay mapagbigyan na rin, bumili ako ng kopya ng isa niyang libro. Si Marky naman ay bumili rin, ngunit ibang libro. Nang sa gayon, pwede kaming maghiraman. O pwede siyang humiram dahil nga hindi naman talaga ako interesado. Ni hindi ko nga maalala ang title ng mga nasabing aklat.

Sumunod na araw, nakipagkita si Marky sa isa niyang kaibigan nang kami ay nasa airport pabalik sa GenSan. Aba, panatiko rin ni Bob Ong ang kaibigang ito, at binigyan si Marky ng kopya ng aklat na nagkataong pareho sa nabili nito nung nakaraang araw. Dahil nga wala naman akong pakialam, ipinagpalit namin ang isa sa parehong mga aklat niya at yung aklat na siya namang binili ko.

Nakalimutan kong bilhan ng pasalubong ang matalik na kaibigang si Bro Willy. At dahil kami ay nasa airport na, at dahil wala rin akong interes sa aklat ni Bob Ong, napagdesisyunan kong ibigay na lamang kay Bro ang aklat.

Hindi ko rin alam kung nabasa ni Bro ang aklat o kung ano ang reaksyon niya dito. Siya naman ay nagpasalamat. Period. Ngunit napag-alaman ko na may mga malalaswang salita na ginamit sa aklat, sabi ni Marky makalipas ang ilang buwan. Salamat at hindi ko alam ang reaksyon ni Bro.

Bago matapos ang nakaraang taon, napag-alaman ko na ang isa pang kaibigang si Eric ay panatiko rin ni Bob Ong. Aba! Magaling nga siguro ang manunulat na ito. Ngunit hindi pa rin ako nakahanap ng panahon, libro at pagkakataon upang mabasa ang kanyang mga gawa.

Nang magpadala si Ate ng mga aklat, napasama ang Stainless Longganisa, isa sa mga panulat ni Bob. Kagabi, sa kawalan ng magawa, o sa katamarang mag-aral, naisipan kong basahin ang aklat. Pero aking aaminin, ako'y nalalabuan kay Bob Ong. Paminsa'y natatawa ako. Paminsan nama'y hindi. Ngunit siya nga ay kakaiba.

Natawa man ako o hindi, isa ang sigurado at ito ang pinakaimportante para sa isang manunulat. Si Bob Ong ay nakaimpluwensiya sa akin bilang nagbabasa. At ito ay ang magsulat sa wikang Filipino!

Come on, ang hirap!!! Baka ito na ang huli. . .

Miss Venezuela is Miss U 2008

2008-07-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela was crowned Miss Universe 2008 today at Vietnam, host of this year's most prestigious beauty pageant.

Miss Venezuela, 22, was once kidnapped in her homeland and says the experience taught her to remain poised under pressure.

During her interview with the judges, Mendoza was asked who she thought has it easier in life, women or men. "God made us to share and have differences," she replied, then highlighted what she regards as the different thought processes of men and women. "Men think that the faster way to go to a point is to go straight," she said. "Women know that the faster way to go to a point is to go to the curves."

Miss Colombia finished second behind Mendoza, followed by Miss Dominican Republic, Miss Russia and Miss Mexico.

Miss Philippines did not make it to top ten.

.... I watched the pageant (through ABS-CBN) at the CBA Faculty Room. Miss Venezuela is beautiful and she is GLOWING. I find Miss Mexico beautiful, too. But then, Miss U is not just about physical beauty. Miss USA looked so mature. I like her, although she seems far from the others. It's obvious that she's older. Hehe. I don't know how Miss Russia even got to be in Top 10. She's got the worst hair and lips. Again, beauty alone does not define beauty queens.

Survivor

2008-07-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever considered joining this hit reality tv show?

With a one million dollar prize, millions dream of joining Survivor. I do watch but I am not among the many who want to join.

I see the show, like many (but NOT all) reality shows as the easiest way to ruin and shame one's self, emotionally and psychologically. And what is worse is that millions get to witness your fall.

Worldly motivations prevail - the money, fame and glory. It is competition in its dirtiest form. Values are tested and judged. If you want to stay in the game, you have to outwit everyone. And in doing so, you compromise ethics and morals. You make friends but will have to betray them one way or another in order to get ahead. Or maybe you will only befriend them as a strategy. It then becomes hard to know what's real and what's not. . . .

Others would say that it's only a game, nothing personal. But there is really nothing that's not personal in this world. It's a game, but a cruel and ugly one.

The show Survivor does not reflect the true meaning of the word. Surviving is not about competing with other people and emerging Number 1. In life, your only competitor is yourself. And the real prize - a happy, healthy and value-oriented existence. . .

J O U R N E Y

2008-07-12T20:08:00.000-07:00

Life is a journey and hopefully, we all make ours meaningful. Hehe. Here are some tips on journeying, written by yours truly, inspired by other people, readings and my experiences. . .

Know where you are going. Set a goal and achieve it.
Be prepared. Pack well. But do not bring excessive baggage.
Do not hurry. There is really no rush.
Do not take short cuts. Your journey might end too soon.
Care to look at the sights. Some may be beautiful, others are not so. Appreciate them nonetheless.
Have stopovers. Take pictures or buy souvenirs. They will remind you of the wonderful journey.
Talk to people. They have wonderful stories to tell. They can give directions, too.
Leave things along the way. They will help you find the way back when you get lost.
Pick up people who need a ride but could not afford. It's always nice to be of help.
Enjoy and always have fun!!!

Our Deepest Fears

2008-07-12T03:58:00.000-07:00

We fear aging.
But as we age, we learn more and become more beautiful.

We fear the dark.
But only in the dark can we see the stars.

We fear being alone.
But the best company is our own self.

We fear imperfections.
But our imperfections lead us to constant improvement.

We fear problems and obstacles.
But only through overcoming them will be become strong.

We fear death.
But for a Christian, death is the greatest reward. . .

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Inspired ako. . .

2008-07-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

Having a blog account gives me an opportunity to read the thoughts of other people. And after clicking this and that, I came across this specific post of one fellow blogger. It's about the things that she feels inspired to do. . . Due to lack of originality (o baka na-inspire nya rin ako), I'd like to post those which I'm inspired to do, too. . . I'll try to communicate my thoughts in my native language, Filipino, which I am not very good at.

Inspired akong:

Matulog. Kailangan ba ng inspirasyon sa pagtulog o ma-inspire matulog? Ewan. Gusto kong palaging natutulog; at masarap matulog; at masaya ako habang natutulog at tuwing pagkatapos matulog (in other words, masaya ako paggising); at sa paggising, gusto ko nanamang matulog. . .
Kumain. Wala na akong pakialam kung tataba man ako o hindi. No more rules sa type of food at quantity of food. Inspired akong kumain dahil masarap ang pagkain at kinikita ko ang pinambibili ko ng pagkain. . . Actually, masaya lang talaga ang kumain at masaya ang buhay kaya dapat hindi pinipigilan ang sarili sa pagkain!!! Kung meron lang din naman. . .
Matuto. Ang blog na ito ang isa sa mga produkto ng inspirasyong ito. Inspired akong matuto lalo na sa mga related sa kahinaan ko, una sa listahan ang gaheto. Isali na rin ang pagsusulat sa wikang Filipino. Maliban sa mga gaheto at teknolohiya, inspirado rin akong matuto ng marami pang bagay na may kinalaman sa buhay, pamilya, pag-ibig, pagkakaibigan, pag-aaral at marami pa. . .
Magsulat. Napakatagal na panahon akong nalayo sa interes na ito dahil sa hindi gaanong masayang mga rason. Dalawang taon at sampung buwan!!! At sa blog ko pa nagawa itong muli.
Magbasa. Ang mga aklat ay tinuturing kong mga kaibigan. At tulad ng pagkakaibigan, ako at ang aking mga aklat ay may mga pinagdadaanan. Hindi sa lahat ng panahon ay nagkakasundo kami ng aking mga nababasa kaya dumadaan din kami sa mga pag-aaway, dulot ng individual differences. Pero sa huli, nananaig ang pagkakaibigan.
Magturo. Ito ang pinakamasaya at pinaka-rewarding (haha, ang hirap i-translate) na trabahao. Syempre opinyon ko lang ito. Sa pagtuturo, ako ay natututo rin. Sobra.
Maging Masaya. Tumawa ng malakas. Umiyak habang tumatawa. Basta, maging laging masaya.
Marami pa.

Ang hirap mag-Filipino. . .

South Cotabato Celebrates 9th T'nalak Festival

2008-07-09T03:45:00.000-07:00

South Cotabato - The 9th T'nalak Festival will kick off this July 11, 2008. The celebration will culminate on July 18, 2008, the province's 42nd Foundation Anniversary.

The eight-day event aims to showcase the province's investment and tourism potentials. This is also an opportunity for the people of the region to celebrate and honor the great riches of South Cotabato. Tourists from all over the country and from abroad are very much invited to join and enjoy the celebration.

Activities lined up for the festivities include an Agri-trade Fair, Bazaars, Concerts featuring the Kitty Girls and Mocha, cultural shows, Streetdancing Competition, Big Stars Basketball Exhibition Game, Mutya ng South Cotabato, Grand Fireworks Display Competition, Disco sa Kalye, visits to various tourism attractions in the province and more.

The T'nalak festival was named after the T'nalak, an indigenous, colorful cloth woven by women of the T'boli tribe. The cloth has brought recognition to the province in the national and international scene.

T'nalak Fest is Coming

2008-07-09T03:30:00.000-07:00

The City of Koronadal will celebrate the 9th T'nalak Festival this July 11-18, 2008.

I'm excited!!! This is my first time to take part in the celebration, not that I actually have a direct part. I will only be one of the many spectators. And I intend to make the most out of this celebration.

I come from GenSan. We have Tuna Festival and Kalilangan there, celebrated annually on September and February, respectively. Fun activities are conducted and the Oval Plaza is transformed into a flea market, with ukay2X, lots of cheap stuff and more.

This T'nalak experience will be new to me. Although I know that there will be a flea market, too. Tents were being set up last week. Maybe they are already operational at this point.

We will not be honoring the tuna but the rich culture of South Cotabato. I intend to enjoy...

Sleeveless, Shorts, Shirt and Slippers in Gibraltar

2008-07-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

Nice view. Yeah, very nice.
Don't mind the face. Hehe.
But really, you're looking good sis.
At naka-sleeveless!!!! Eeeww.

Shirt, shorts and slippers..... I don't think my sister could pull that off in GenSan or in Makati. It's really different in other countries. You get to wear whatever you want to. Maybe not entirely true. How would people there react if she had worn a gown.... Haha. Wala lang.

Who's Crazy?!?

2008-07-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

Were there times when you judged others to be crazy? Or you considered yourself to be one?

When I read a book about a woman who is young, intelligent and good-looking; but decided to die because of what I considered to be abrurd reasons, it was very easy for me to charge her as crazy. She has no family and financial problems. She has a good job and the present and future (in the surface) are sure to be good for her. Yet, she decides to die.

It had been easy to judge and say that she's crazy..... And why? Because I immediately related myself to her. I am young. I'm not sure about the beauty issue. I am satisfied with my brains. I have no family problems. I am happy with my job. And the present and future are sure to be good. Do I want to die? Heck, Nooooo!!!!!!! Wanting to die is a crazy thought.

And that is the very reason why I judged the young woman to be crazy. Because she is different from me.

But having read the book, there were realizations. One of the characters in the book discussed being crazy in a philosophical way. Let us forget science and hormones and chemicals for now.

This woman said: (Mind you, this character is crazy)

Anyone who lives in his/her own world is crazy. Like schizophrenics, psychopaths, maniacs. I mean people who are different from others.

You have been Einstein, saying that there was no time or space, just a combination of the two. Or Columbus, insisting that on the other side of the world lay not an abyss but a continent. Or Edmund Hillary, convinced that a man could reach the top of Everest. Or the Beatles, who created an entirely different sort of music and dressed like people from another time. Those people - and thousands of others - all lived in their own world.

Indeed, many of the greatest artists and popular historical figures had been considered crazy when they were still alive. And why not, they were different. They did not think and act the same way most people did. But after centuries, we honor them for their great contributions. Yes, we honor the crazy!!!!

Here's another one:

A powerful wizard, who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank that water would go mad.

The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, which the magician had not managed to poison. The king was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and inspectors, however, had also drank the poisoned water; and they thought the king's decisions were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.

When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard these decrees, they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. They marched on the castle and called for his abdication.

In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne. But the queen stopped him, saying, 'Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then we will be the same as them.' And that was what they did: The king and quees drank from the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once; now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?

The country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbors. And the king was able to govern until the end of his days.

I can relate. Why not.... I am crazy and have done crazy things, too. I am different and have many times departed from the norms . I am not great though. I am crazy.

Are you crazy?

My Baby Bro

2008-07-07T04:16:00.000-07:00

This is my Baby Bro.

Although he is 18 years old already and 5’7” in height, he will remain to be my baby…

He was tolerant of that when he was young but suddenly rebelled against the babying when he was in high school and back to being tolerant of it upon studying in MAAP.

He is my most loyal fan. He believes in everything I say. I used to tell him stories of this and that - historical accounts, scientific discoveries, fiction; mostly fiction which I claim to be true. He was always in awe. In his eyes, I am the intelligent sister and will always be such.

He suffers from my worst attacks, physically and verbally. He never laid a finger on me even after hitting him lots of times. I hope this will not reach my parents. I do not and did not hit anyone else. I don’t remember what caused the fights but I know there were many.

Truly, we can hurt even the ones we love most. But I don’t advice it. I’m pro-peace and against violence. And despite everything, he still loves me. And if we don’t lose them after all the fights, harsh words and beatings, our love will withstand time and everything else.
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Brain Exercise 2

2008-07-07T00:52:00.000-07:00

Some more Q and A!!!! I'm amused with this activity that's why I decided to share this with whoever drops by. Try to answer the questions, too. You'll get answers from yourself which you were not conscious of before. You will certainly get to know yourself better.

(1) If you have to live far away from civilization for a year and could only bring one item, what would it be? A very durable comb. I comb a lot and that is probably the reason why my hair is brittle. I always get scolded because I comb anywhere and everywhere - in the streets, in the classroom, in the restaurant. Poor manners.

(2) If you have to choose a city to visit, what would it be? If I had been asked a year ago, I would have chosen Cairo or any city in Africa. The answer is different now. I'll go to Gibraltar!!! Is Gibraltar a city or nation or what? I don't know. I'll go to the city where my sister is.

(3) Name any city in the world that you would like to get lost in? Las Vegas. I'm a fan of the CSI series, the original.
Taken I am lost. I assume that I have no money. It's okay to get lost and have no money in Las Vegas. It's a city that never sleeps. Anyway, I can engage in a lot of sidelines. Hehe. It's not what you have in mind!!!!

(4) If you could add the knowledge of another person's brain into your brain, whose brain would you choose? I have a lot to choose from!!!
a. Sir Jet's. He's good in science and mathematics, perfect combination, what else could you ask for. He can refute any argument or claim, whether he believes in it or not. He is full of wisdom, yet very humble.
b. Rolly Jude's. He's a master quizbowler, terrific writer, etc. He's humble, too!!!
c. Mama's. She is so practical. She has an answer to every problem.
d. Nico-something's. I forgot his name. He is an Accounting geek from Midsayap. No comment on the issue of humility. His Accounting knowledge is excellent, period.

But I can't make up my mind on just one!!!!! And I don't have the heart to take away what they keep in their brains. Lastly, I am not lacking myself. Yeah, there are limitations, but I am satisfied with what I have.

Come on, I don't need to be excellent in science. My Math is already above average. There are no more debate and quiz bowl competitions for me. About practicalities, experience will teach me best. And I can learn Accounting. I'm really just fine with myself.

(5) What skill would you like to learn if you have all the time and resources in the world? It has always been my dream to work for the United Nations and be a missionary in Africa; or be a Marist lay missionary in Africa still. Among the requirements is to speak at least five accepted languages. I know only one - English.
So if given the chance to learn anything, I'd like to learn to speak the following languages:
* Portuguese
* French
* German
* Any African language

(6) What or who makes you smile? His smile.... Hehe
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Brain Exercise

2008-07-06T04:37:00.000-07:00

Give your brain some exercise!!! Boggling your mind isn't such a bad thing when you end up getting to know yourself and others a little better. A fun papermelroti product - Query 2.

One of the things I inherited from my sister (she had to part with her stuff upon leaving the country) was a box filled with cards. Each card has a question which you probably never thought of asking yourself.

The Q and A is supposed to be done with others, thus, a group activity. But I'm alone, miles away from home (although not really very far), with no friends in this city; so the bottom line is, I have no one to ask and no one to give answers to. So for the nth time, this blog has no choice but to hear me out.

The question on one card is 'You were chosen as the representative of the whole humankind to a newly discovered planet inhabited by aliens. You could bring five people with you. Who would you bring?

Here they are:

My bestfriend Kris. What's with the label? I got used to it already, that's all. Since I want him to come with us, we'll leave after he passes the board exam. I just can't leave without him.

Meng. After the Deo Espin incident last Summerfest, I know he can cope with anything, including alien contact. Who knows, he might actually want to stay with them... Hehe. We haven't bonded for some time now. This may be the opportunity.

John. This man always makes himself available. It comes with the friendship package, which I have quite abused (and enjoyed). He doesn't crack even with so much pressure. He will take care of the group.

Lyda. She is a champion public speaker and debater. I'm naturally shy, so she can do the talking. She is also a charmer!!! And most importantly, we can have so much fun making fun of the whole experience. Hopefully, she will be allowed to take a leave of absence from Planters Bank.

Macky can take the blame should anything or everything go wrong. Hehe.
This is the second time that Macky graced this site. His devotion to his friends, to me especially, had been featured in 'Remembering Macky'. It was posted two weeks ago.

I realized just now that even though Lyda may be good in talking, such skill may not be too relevant because the aliens speak a different language. But she can still charm them!!! hehe

Okay, Menardo and Macky can do the talking or whatever form of communication. Kris will remain at the back with me because he doesn't have patience for what he considers to be unnatural. John will break up any fight, should there be one.

It's wonderful to have such flexible and great friends.

PS: (included a day after the 'Brain Exercise' was posted)

Ate is part of everything in my life. And she's complaining why she's not included in the trip. Hehe. But there are reasons behind that. First, she is not a fan of politics or diplomacy. She is a pure academic.... Second, she can't take a 'leave' from her work.. She just can't. Third, we'll fight and fight there. It's not new but our fighting scenes might scare the aliens.... So she just can't come.

I forgot. Jay-ar might complain why he wasn't included. I'll bargain with the authorities. He must come, too!!!!

Done with Veronika

2008-07-06T04:15:00.000-07:00

A week ago, I wrote about Veronika, a Slovene who decided to die. I did not have the patience to read more than three chapters of the book at the time but finally gathered enough patience earlier to finish reading it.

The novel, Veronika Decides to Die isn't as bad as I originally thought it to be. Actually, it's not bad at all. It's just different from all other novels I've read.

The novel was written by Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian writer who is more philosophical than most novelists. Yes, I can say that he is certainly different from the others. But then, every great artist became great because he/she had been different, otherwise, there will be no distinction between the great one from the rest.

I had been judgmental, looking at things at face value and taking things literally. I failed to recognize that there is always something deeper in everything.

I will not divulge the details, whether Veronika died or not. But this is for sure - I now appreciate the art of Coelho, who welcomed me and many readers into the depth of human emotions and thoughts.

If you guys have time, patience and energy, try the book. You will learn a lot.

Runners Do Get Tired

2008-07-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

For many years, I have been running. I've won many and lost some.

A few months ago, after my latest and most triumphant run, I suddenly felt the need to stop, and I did, with no rush to conquer another finish line.

Every athlete ages, gets tired, retires...

I don't think those were my reasons for taking a break. Yes, I may have stopped running. But this is only for a while- to rest, to listen.

Sometimes, we see life as a never-ending track and field match. We tend to forget to look deeper and appreciate the miles we have covered, the places we passed by and the people we meet along the way. We are so focused on the finish line. We run for the sake of running and winning, with no greater purpose.

It may not be too late for me. I am now taking one step at a time, absolutely not rushing; certainly not caring whether fellow runners get ahead of me. There is no need to achieve record-breaking runs. I will enjoy the walk and let God guide me......
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Gibraltar, GenSan and Coke

2008-07-05T20:00:00.000-07:00

Gibraltar - a view from my Ate's hotel room. This looks like a view of Pioneer Avenue (General Santos City) from a room in Sidney Hotel.

Sis, with Nettie (hey, I didn't know it was Nettie, the cute and beautiful Girl!!!; well, until I saw this pix). They worked together at Isla Lipana in Makati before the Gibraltar escapade.

They have Coke in Gibraltar!!! Come on Zea (!!!), if we have Coke in GenSan, why can't they have the same in any other place in the world?!
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The Philippines on 'The Broker'

2008-07-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

John Grisham, famous for his novels whose lead characters are lawyers, good and bad ones. No surprise here because he is a lawyer, although I believe that he does not practice such profession anymore. He is probably a better writer than a lawyer. Isn't he cute? Hehe. He looks like Dan Brown (in this picture).

The Philippines was mentioned in John Grisham's novel, The Broker.

Wow!, was my first reaction. My favorite writer acknowledges the existence of my country!

But when I read the line again, I realized that his reference to dear Philippines was not at all positive. In the story, a broker in the name of Joel Backman was given full pardon by the outgoing President of the United States on the eleventh hour (hours before leaving the Oval Office).

One of the broker's former associates turned on the tv for the international news, expecting full coverage of the pardon, at the same time worried to death that Backman would come knocking on his door, a ghost returning to life to take back what is his.

Upon turning on the television, he was surprised but glad that there were diversions.'Thankfully, a busload of Danish tourists had been kidnapped in the Philippines, otherwise, Joel Backman would have been the top story,' he muttered. Anyway, the Backman story came second.

This is certainly a reflection of how foreign intellectuals view the Philippines - a haven for terrorists. I don't condemn John Grisham for his views. I did not have raised eyebrows upon reading novels which refer to countries in the Middle East (I'm not naming them) as supportive of terroristic and anti-America activities. The issue of the Philippines is no exception.

I don't condemn the Philippines, too. I am a Filipino. I only condemn the acts, never the people or my country.

Coincidence?!?

2008-07-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

As I was reading my post about Ate in Gibraltar, I realized that the feature in the Google Ad board was about Gibraltar, promoting it. 'Know before you go. Real stories from travelers,' it says. Weird........ Anyway, at this second, the feature has changed.

Do they feature the Philippines, too?! Haha. I wish.....
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No GenSan for me this weekend

2008-07-04T01:48:00.000-07:00

I did make a promise to try to be home on weekends. But there will be no Zea in GenSan this weekend.

Last week's problems were not addressed. There is a mountain of clothes to be washed. The test papers have yet to be checked. There will be an acquaintance party at the dorm. I will attend an acquaintance party of a co-curricular org.... And more.

This may also be an opportunity to see more of Marbel. I've been here for a month now, yet the only places I've been to are NDMU, dorm, KCC, McGrill (with friends from GenSan), church and bus terminal. Yes, I will surely see more of Marbel. I will start with FitMart, the forgotten mall. Hehe.

Haiiiiii..... No GenSan for me this weekend. Hopefully, I will not be missed.
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Irresponsible Book Addict

2008-07-04T01:13:00.000-07:00

The Digital Fortress, written by Dan Brown (the famous author of the Da Vinci Code), is about breaking codes. The US of A is supposed to have a machine that could decode even the longest and most complex of all codes. But this was threatened by something, the 'Digital Fortress.'

Deception Point is about deception of course. But aren't they all?! With Dan Brown, almost everything is about deception. It's about a supposed find of the NASA, one that is far greater than all other modern scientific revelations.

I finished reading two books in five days - Dan Brown's Deception Point and Digital Fortress. I'm on book number 3, John Grisham's The Broker.

This is probably the reason why I could not touch my laundry (unwashed for a month now) and test papers. How irresponsible.

I could not say that I like Dan Brown's books. It had been too easy to guess who the villains are. Dan Brown is somehow obsessed with unraveling hoaxes; and the plot is almost the same for all his books, including the Da Vinci Code.

But I certainly appreciate his efforts in doing lots of research work because his examples are very specific. Well, they SEEM true and realistic.

As for John Grisham, it's still the same. He remains to be one of my favorites.

Ate: in Gibraltar

2008-07-04T00:36:00.000-07:00

Take a look at Gibraltar, a British overseas territory located near the southernmost tip of the Iberian Peninsula, overlooking the Strait of Gibraltar.

This is the famous Rock of Gibraltar. The place indeed has similarities to GenSan for they have access to the seas, hehe.

Ate is in Gibraltar already, two days after leaving our beloved Philippines.

It took two days for her to get there because they had two stopovers, Dubai and London.... Hitting three birds with one stone.

She may not have seen the beauty of the cities because they were not allowed to leave the waiting area, at least she could claim that she has set foot in both London and Dubai, even if only at the airport.

In her recent post in my Friendster account, she wrote, 'This place is just like GenSan, only cleaner, with roads paved and with hundreds of tourists along the the roads.'

I'm not sure whether she said that because she actually believes that there are similarities between GenSan and Gibraltar, or it's her defense mechanism for missing home, hehe.

Gibraltar is the least and last of places I was interested in before. I actually thought that it is located in Central America. I know now of course that it is in Europe, I've been told three months ago when Ate said she's going there.

I checked some sites and images of the place. It does look good and there in the background is the famous rock which was included in my sister's tales. I wish I could see the place. (Sponsorship, Ate!!!!)

Love Story on Hold

2008-07-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

During college, when the idea of writing crosses my mind, I would immediately make accounts of my latest love obsession. I would start my story with the overwhelming feelings I had - the heart that stops beating, the meeting of the eyes, the assumptions and illusions.

I may have started my stories well but they never had an ending. In the end, I kept them to myself and ultimately, with the change of heart (crush), the articles evaporated together with the feelings.

So consumed I had been with love or the idea of it that I never entertained doing more meaningful literary works. But then, such job was not expected of me. I had been the copyreader in the publication, never the writer. And with the many articles I've checked (others were modified, others underwent major overhauls), I never had much chance to have anything of mine published.

Perhaps I took so much pride finding faults in other writers' works that I was afraid it would backfire. They might find fault in mine - signs of too much self-pride and egotism. But I believe that through the years, I have developed better and stronger values, hopefully, hehe.

I disassociated myself from the publication almost three years ago, so goodbye copyreading. And in the years since then, I grew farther away from journalism (No thanks to you Riki, hehe). I tried another career path.

Surprisingly, when I took on blogging, the idea of writing about a love story never occurred. It had been only now that I remeber how I had been as a writer years ago. Change certainly is constant.

But this does not mean that I will never write my love story again. I will just have to wait, for of course I have yet to experience one.

This time, I will be patient and hopefully, I can finish the story. It will be the first.
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Understanding Veronika

2008-06-30T19:14:00.001-07:00

How would you react to a book whose title is, Veronika Decides to Die? It was written by one of the most successful authors of all time (based on the millions of copies of his work sold). It had been said that his works have changed a lot of people, hopefully for the better. So for those who are not familiar with the book, let me introduce its author, Paulo Coelho. Now, ring a bell?

Book fanatics (like me) probably have heard of him or have actually read his novels. Yes, they are considered novels although P.C. certainly does not make his' the same way other novelists write theirs. You will have the same conclusion once you have read any of his works.

A week ago, I came across his work, Veronika Decides to Die. It was among the books sent by my sister. I am no fan of P.C. Last Christmas, I was given a book of his, entitled, The Devil and Ms. Prym. I only finished two chapters before finally deciding that I don't understand what the whole thing was about.

So reading this one, about Veronika, was not about the author. It was the title that caught my attention. And in a way, maybe I wanted to see whether I had been wrong in judging P.C. very badly because of the other novel.

Had I been wrong? I couldn't say yet because I have not finished reading the story of Veronika. At least I finished three chapters this time.

I have not yet come to fully (or even slightly) appreciate the art of P.C., which means that in time, I will. Of course I have to make an effort to understand him and his style. But that could wait. For now, I will first understand Veronika...

Veronika decides to die for the following reasons (verbatim, as written by the author):

She believed herself to be completely normal. Two very simple reasons lay behind her decision to die, and she were sure that, were she to leave a note explaining, many people will agree with her.

The first reason: Everything in her life was the same and, once her youth was gone, it would be downhill all the way, with old age beginning to leave irreversible marks, the onset of illness, the departure of friends. She would gain nothing by continuing to live; indeed, the likelihood of suffering would only increase.

The second reason was more philosophical: Veronika read the newspapers, watched tv, and she was aware of what was going on in the world. Everything was wrong, and she had no way of putting things right - that gave her a sense of complete powerlessness.

I do not agree with her. Veronika failed to accept and understand that the world is not without flaws... It's imperfections allow us to have a life, to make decisions, to learn, to grow. If everything is handed to us, we will not come to appreciate life and all the blessings we have. How meaningless everything would be. We'd be robots. If one is born rich, it does not mean that life will be better for him/her; and it also doesn't follow that if you had been born poor, life would be miserable. We are the ones who will fulfill our destiny, not the riches or the burdens we were born with.

Did Veronika die? She was supposed to die of overdose but was unsuccessful. She was brought to a mental hospital where she was charged as crazy. But Veronika was persistent. She was firm on wanting to die. If further efforts were successful, I do not know yet.

Truly, Veronica and I do not agree on a lot of things. I could refute her arguments and give pages of rebuttals. But I won't even try. I admit that while reading the book, I was overwhelmed. Had there been someone with me at the time, he/she would have witnessed a one-sided heated debate - one that is against Veronika, who could not answer back.

And now, days after the encounter with Veronika, I am ready to accept that the story of Veronika is a reflection of life. Yes, we are different. That doesn't make me or her right though. And if I were not to judge, who will? Or maybe, she must not be judged at all.

Remembering Macky

2008-06-30T01:44:00.000-07:00

Before anyone gets worried sick about Macky, I'd like to make it clear that nothing bad happened to him. We have the tendency to think of the worst when stories of remembering someone is heard.

My first encounter with Macky was when I went to a groupmate's (Jhaz') house more than a year ago to prepare for our Accounting 85 presentation. He was running and was being pursued by the house helper, for Macky did not want to take his bath. The Japanese spitz was hard to catch.

This is not yet the Macky my friend, mind you, but the very first Macky I came to know.

Actually, I met Macky the person some years ago. We were both in the leaders' circle in school. But I never really got the chance to work with him until two years ago. He was known to me then as Francis Rey. Then how come he was nicknamed Macky?! Wow, and I consider 'us' to be friends but I never bothered to ask.

He became known to me as Macky only a year ago and it was then that we became friends. So I'd say, I met 'Macky, my friend' only then. I hope I am making sense...

Why am I talking about Macky? Don't know.. I just feel like doing so at this moment. Macky is an interesting character and he is the most suitable friend to feature. My betsfriend Kris hopefully will not take offense. This is not really about friendship levels. Anyway, Kris in a way is a part of the story of Macky and me..

Imagine, while we were in the process of making the yearbook (I am the EIC, Macky is Associate Editor), Macky tried to take away my bestfriend (also a staff) away from me!!! But my bestfriend is loyal, well, hopefully. I am not really sure if Kris was tempted to change bestfriends. It would have been convenient for him because Macky would play the role better. I have not been the best bestfriend, but Kris had been the best (the story of him may come later)!! But in the end, of course Macky realized that I will always be Kris' best bud forever (bbf!!). The three of us remained friends.

The making of the yearbook had been very long. There were inefficiences and sadly, most of which can be pointed back to me. The staff were identified late, the activities were conducted late and everything was done late. And where in all of these is Macky? Well, he made everything easier and better. When all else failed and people were starting to point fingers and curse, I sometimes hid and let him face it all. He was a willing scapegoat. It was a VOX-joke that if anything wrong should happen, Macky would have to be the one behind it (even though he really wasn't). And Macky never complained...

The bottom line in the story of Macky is that he is the most loyal friend one could have, to the point that he becomes a martyr. So yes, we had been cruel at times to him (and his dignity) but we surely appreciate everything he's done for us. He will always be remembered as a true friend.

So where is Macky now!? He is supposed to be living the Makati-dream, working for a company there as an IT consultant, staff of whatever. And a true friend that he is, he texts once in a while (at least once in two days), saying the same things he used to say when we were still in college, 'Doncha forget to eat ur breakfast, lunch and dinner.' Now, there is an addition, 'I'm signing off. Just finished work.' And this message is received usually at 12 midnight to 4 am.... So nothing much has really changed. Macky is still a martyr, working until the wee hours of the morning.

Miss u much Mack!!!! Mwaash........

At this very moment, I received a text message from my loved friend, 'OT nanaman!!!'.......

On Books

2008-06-28T23:57:00.000-07:00

While it was not my intention to write about Manny, I had every intention to get this through....

My sister will leave for Gibraltar (to work) on July 2 so she had to part with her precious acquisitions with not much choice. She is only allowed to carry 20 kilos so she has to bring only the necessities. And among the many things shipped back to our house in GenSan is her most-valued collection of books, product of two years' labor in an auditing firm in Makati.

Books are the most essential and important of all the material things in the life of my sister. I remember when we were young, both in grade school, she would buy Sweet Valley, Baby Sitters' Club, Goosebumps and the likes for around P100.00 each at Kimball. That amount was like a week's allowance at the time. She always found ways to support this addiction.

And while she was expanding her collection, I was secretly taking (stealing?) books then so that I could support my own whims. And how? I sold the books to a bookshop near Kimball for P30-40. I did not really care about the difference. I'm not sure if she learned of this. Well, I was away for a year after graduation in elementary and when I came back, I did not have to sell books to have money. I found other ways (legal). I engaged in some small ventures.

I was more excited than ever to go home last Friday so that I could rummage the goods she sent. I did not and do not care much about her clear instruction that I could take all her clothes but not the books. Come on, what good are those clothes when my sister is so much larger than me. She justifies her big body by blaming the hormones.... Hehe.

Anyway, I was not disappointed. I saw books of my favorite authors. John Grisham, Ken Follet, Dan Brown, Robert Ludlum and more. She sent more than 50, but only half of them are novels. The other half are inspirational books - on love, life and body. Yes, body. My sister must finally have gotten conscious of her size...

While I was not disappointed, I held some of the books with not much happiness. I don't think that they are worth the hundreds of pesos she spent for each. Each costs P200-P350. I'm not against inspirational books, which others might consider eye-openers. But I'm no fan. On my birthday two years ago, Ate sent me a copy of Boy Meets Girl and in another occasion, sent me I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Instead of thanking her, I scowled and was unappreciative. I appreciate the act, really, but not the product. And I don't know where those books are right now. I'm not into having boyfriends but I found some of the author's statements righteous and judgmental. He was like giving a sermon about relationships, assuming that everyone feels the same way he does or believes in the same principles.

Last Christmas, she gave me a book by Paulo Coelho, entitled The Devil and Ms. Prym. It was written in the cover that he is best-selling author (every author claims that). I read the first two chapters and decided that I was not getting what the author was trying to say. There were only two characters in the story (as of the last page I've read). The book was written in English but P.C. must have been giving a different meaning to the words he used. I gave up and let her take back the book, otherwise, I'd find a way to dispose of it.

I thought then that she must have made a mistake on giving good reviews for the book (last Christmas). And to my surprise, I saw four more books of Coelho on her package! She must really like him.

So among the many books I could have chosen to read first last Friday night, I decided to give P.C. a chance. And I chose the one with the most interesting title, Veronica Decides to Die. I had raised eyebrows upon seeing the title (the story of Veronica will be told in the next post). This time, I read three chapters before throwing the book. Don't worry sis, I threw it just on the floor. I've had enough of Coelho. I deserve better so I went on for Dan Brown's Digital Fortress. Hah, how good to read a real novel.

The next day, when she called, I gave her a long monologue (which did not remain to be a monologue for she responded), complaining about my second bad P.C. experience. I gave her and the author some insulting remarks.

And what did I get from her?
* a laugh, because, again, I am so affected by this thing;
* great reviews of the book and of the many other works of P.C., including The Alchemist, her most favorite; and
* an advice to stop insulting the author because I will find enemies in doing such. For apparently, Coelho is 'only' the second author to J.K. Rowling in the number of books sold.

I must have overreacted. The problem is not P.C. It must be me. I let impatience and lack of literary appreciation prevail. So what if P.C. does not write his novels the conventional way? Because he certainly does not. Imagine, he even found a way to feature himself in the novel! Yes, inside the book, in connection to the story of Veronica..... He is really different. But maybe, that characteristic makes him great and loved and appreciated by many readers.

As for me? When I'm done with the more conventional books I enjoy reading, I will go back to Coelho. Maybe by that time, I would not be as close-minded. And maybe then, I will come to understand his language.

Manny Did It Again

2008-06-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

I never intended to write about Manny Pacquiao. I have only heard of his fight against Diaz yesterday so I was not exactly attached to this fight.

By the way, who is Diaz? I'm not a fan of boxing; but I am a Filipino, a General and for that, I am a supporter of Manny.

In Manny Pacquiao's former bouts, I was among the many Filipinos who stayed put at home (or anywhere with tv) and did nothing else but wait for the fight, watch it, rejoice and later watch interviews with him, Jinky and the famous mother. I did not plan to do all those today. And I didn't.

I made a promise to myself that I will not watch the game because it would consume so much energy. The fight may just be an hour but the hangover is long. I still got papers to check and a laundry crisis to settle. I haven't washed a single blouse and house clothes in three weeks now. I have washed some slacks and undies because I had not much choice. My room is a mess.

News will have to be broken by my parents through text. But I could not contain my feelings for even if I promised not to watch, I was worried. After buying groceries (with a short line at the counter, for once) composed mostly of junk food, specifically the E-aji of different sorts and flavors, I went to a store outside of KCC which had a tv that aired the match. Already in the 5th round, a man there assured me that Manny was leading. I could see his opponent's face bleeding. It was not a happy sight but I left the store with all fears evaporating. It was just sad that another face will be distorted after the game.

When I got back into my place, I had my lunch and consumed two servings of rice, a major violation of my diet policy of having only two cups of rice in a day. Huhu. I would not have rice tonight.

This fight, like many others of Manny's in the past, has again made significant contributions to the country. For starters, he once again proved the dominance of the Philippines in the field of boxing. The people, even for a short time have forgotten their burdens and were happy for Manny. This day had been a holiday for police officers for even the criminals had their eyes glued on tv. Filipinos, despite the many differences, were united in cheering and praying for our man. Manny is a resident of the Philippines, thus, his income earned inside and outside of the Philippines will be taxed (although there are exemptions. I don't know if his winnings are included in such). But then, he has shares in pay-per-view. Tax there is sure.

I have no intentions of watching the replay or watch tv interviews of him (I've not much choice, I have no tv). But I might check out newspapers. I am contented knowing that he won.... And afraid that in his next match, he might not. For nothing is ever permanent.

In the first place, what made me decide not to watch the game is because I do not want to be a witness to his downfall. So expect that it will again be a pass for me in his next game.

.....

I am Commander

2008-06-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

My Sister and I on her college graduation

The Little Sister I Never Wished For
(Original title)

I have a little sister
Who never really had been
She doesn’t obey me
But I’m forced to obey her.

I have a little sister
Who kicks me out of bed
And calls me a sleepyhead
Whenever I wake up late.

I have a little sister
Who punishes me
And even if I’m right
She won’t accept she’s wrong.

All my life I never wished
For a sister like her
Never did I want to be called ‘under’
And she to be called ‘commander.’

Obviously, this is a work of a child, hehe. This was written by my sister 13 years ago; published in 'The Western Glow' in the year 1995.

I won't be surprised to find more articles/stories/literary pieces about me in my sister's journals and school papers. I saw this one while going through some of her many things.

Am I proud of all these? I don't know....

You see, my sister and don't hate each other. We actually love each other very much (she loves me very much that she is always affected by 'us') hehe.

Having a younger sibling.... anyone?

2008-06-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

Angeli Benette Pidut, CPA
better known as Zea's sister (hehe)

Among the many things my sister sent home was a scrapbook which contains some of the articles she had written during her schooldays. And I was surprised to see one, written when she was in grade school (some 12 years ago), which again was about me.

I am certainly my sister’s favorite literary subject…

I remember so well when I was young how happy we were as a family – my parents’ closeness, the loving, the cuddling, the kissing and the tenderness of their looks were so inspiring. Their concern for me was so overwhelming. My mother never entrusted me to anyone, lest I will be hurt and she never gave me reason to be insecure.

Everything was so well until one day, I heard Father and Mother conversing. Father was so excited of the idea of having another baby. I didn’t mind at all because I did not understand what having another baby meant. Mother told me time and again that soon I will have a playmate. Father had to work harder, so I was told, to buy the needs of the expected baby. He comes home late and goes to work early. I was seldom awake whenever he was at home except during Sundays because we always went to church together.

Mother barely had time for me – she didn’t play with me as often as we used to. She was always busy preparing the things the baby would be needing. ‘Why had mother changed?’ I kept asking myself, but never got the answer.

I learned to play alone. I got used to doing it because we had no neighbors. We were living in the farm.

However, life was not at all that unhappy for me. I used to play with the animals my father raised. My favorite was a New Hampshire-bred swine I named Tibs. She was so beautiful, tall and sexy. How I loved playing with her. I used to ride on her back after she was bathed. She never resented, rather, I knew she enjoyed my company. I forgot all my worries and frustrations whenever I was with her especially when she gave birth to 12 cute piglets. I was amused looking at them chasing each other.

It was one moonless night when all of a sudden Mother woke Father up. She shook Father so hard that I was also awakened. I never saw Mother that way before. She was in intense pain, her teeth gushing and her voice moaning. When I inquired about what was happening, I was told that the baby was arriving. I was puzzled. There was my mother suffering from pain but still looking very expectant of the arrival of the new baby.

Nobody was around for me to ask question to. Father was gone in haste to fetch a midwife. While he was away, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to get near Mother to comfort her but she was hysterical. It seemed ages before father arrived with a midwife. They were just in time because Mother was already screaming. This time her voice was harsh and coarse and all of a sudden, a sharp shrill voice was heard. A baby girl was born.

The presence of the new-born baby brought me farther away from my parents. How I hated the baby. 'It must be she or I', I told my mother one day; and even threatened her that I’d stow away if they keep her. Mother shrugged her shoulders and smiled. I knew she didn’t believe me.

I felt more alone. Why can’t things be as they were. It was so difficult to describe how I felt. There were times when I wanted to scream because I felt the walls closing in around me.

One day, when this feeling assailed me, I ran out of the door and headed out to my grandparents’ house though I did not exactly know the way.

Mother rushed after me, hugged me and kissed me. She explained that everything would be alright. She told me, ‘Mother has to keep the baby and so must the Big sister.’

My story happened ten years ago, when I was only two. Today, we are five in the family – Father, Mother, the Big Sister (that’s me), Barbie and Daboy (the latest addition and the only boy).

This article was published in ‘The Western Glow’, the official publication of Dadiangas West Central Elementary School, in the year 1996.

Why is it posted here?!? Well, it's about me. I happen to be the younger sibling.....

The Deadly Punches of Frank

2008-06-26T05:03:00.000-07:00

The Philippines suffered the most in mother nature's latest show of fury - Typhoon Frank.

For more than a month now, the country has been experiencing long, bad rains, most especially in the Luzon and Visayas regions. But nothing could beat the destruction and loss of many lives brought about by Frank. News of the MV Princess of the Stars tragedy flooded the televisions. The shock, caused not by the weather, but by its effects, came to the Filipinos last weekend.

While worry and grief consumed the hearts of many, I was living my solitary, unaffected life here in Marbel. I have not watched the news for three weeks now. I have no access to television and radio. And when I have the chance to surf the net, I was always checking http://www.starmagazine.com/ for juicy showbiz news about Angelina Jolie's pregnancy and Jennifer Aniston and John Meyer's romantic escapades.

So the shock came very late for me. During the Mass of the Holy Spirit conducted last Wednesday, the mass presider, at the end of his homily, said, Let us pray for those who were struck by the MV Princess of the Stars tragedy and those who suffered in Iloilo (something like that).

I was clueless and when I asked my seatmate about what the priest meant, he briefed me on what he had seen and heard on the news. I was on the verge of crying. It took so much effort to fight tears from falling.If I were alone then, I would have let my emotions prevail. But I was in public and I did not want to make a scene. My seatmate, looking at me, did not know whether to be amused or what over my reaction.

Today, I checked the newspapers and inquirer.net and learned that around 500 people have been confirmed dead already, excluding the hundreds of unrecovered bodies still left at the ferry, which at present is stuck hundreds of feet underwater.

Many relatives of the victims came out, wanting to claim the remains of their loved ones. There was one who lost 13 family members who were supposed to attend a family reunion. Now, they will be having a reunion plus memorial service.

While many people have lost homes, properties and loved ones, there are others who remain safe and unharmed, including me and my family. I could not say that we're lucky because luck has nothing to do with this. In some ways, I have lost a lot in this, too, even if indirectly. I could not claim that I know how they (victims' families) feel, I'd be a hypocrite. But I feel for them. I am with them. Their loss is the loss of the Filipino people. And at this point, the most that we can do is pray for the victims and those whom they left. And if there are entities who contributed in this tragedy by being irresponsible, then it's about time for them to face their responsibilities.

Nothing can bring back all the loss, but hopefully, this tragedy will prove to be a learning experience for everyone.

Missing them

2008-06-25T02:02:00.000-07:00

My siblings - Angeli and Hansel

My sister Angeli is better known to our relatives and friends as Coco. She was nicknamed such because papa used to drive my grandfather's (mama's dad) truck which transports coconut. That was how my parents met. Father changed profession. He is now a principal in a public school in GenSan.
My sister writes well. She is a creative writer. I try to write meaningful articles but I will never pass. But I'm a good critic, hehe.
Ate, after passing the CPA Board, worked for Pricewaterhouse Coopers Firm. She wants me to follow the path she had taken. Oh well, we desire different things so I chose a different profession - teaching.
She is moving forward, following the path usually taken by most auditors. She is due to leave on July 2 for Gibraltar, a financial hub in Europe. May she find true happiness there. hehe. I believe such move will give me greater happiness, too, financially. It means bigger credit card benefits from her.
Seriously, I will be very sad. I actually feel very sad already. I never thought time would come when we would move away (physically) from each other. I've always considered us to be inseparable. She tells me always that I'm the person she loves most.

My brother Hansel, a.k.a Daboy (meaning, "The Only Boy"), studies at Maritime Academy of Asia and the Pacific in Bataan. He is taking up Engineering of some sort. I don't know what field exactly. He studied for a year at NDDU, my alma mater, but could not stand being in the same school with his older sister. Some things there might have affected him. Anyway, he is now in a good place where he excels. He is having the time of his life.
My brother was my first love. Even though three years separate us, I lowered down to his level, hehe, when we were kids so that he would have someone to play with.
He is a national winner in different arts competitions. He is an excellent visual artist. Again, I'm the critic. I tried very hard in that field. Just wasn't/isn't for me....
After finishing college education at MAAP, he will work for a shipping company in Japan. He is very much looking forward to it.

So, I'll be the only one left here in the Philippines...........

Debate 101

2008-06-21T22:54:00.000-07:00

Many of us have a lot to say - ideas to be shared, newly-acquired information to be boasted and opinions to be aired. Human beings that we are, we are bound to reason, argue and debate. And most of the time, debating becomes heated; exchange of words becomes personal and we find ourselves fighting even with those who were once our friends.But debating need not have a sad ending. Friendships need not be broken. Debating can actually turn out to be a fun activity which provides learning and meaningful entertainment to the audience.\

Like every activity, formal debating has a history. It was patterned after the sessions conducted by the parliament during the time when men still wore wigs. The basic idea is that one side, the government, proposes for a certain thing; while another side, the opposition, firmly opposes. These elements are present whatever format of debating is applied - whether Asian Parliamentary, British Parliamentary or Oregon-Oxford.

Many high schools and colleges in the country have debate organizations that provide venues for students to develop their debating skills. There are also debate competitions in school, local, regional, national and international levels.

In debating, you don't get to choose which side you will defend. It doesn't matter very much what your personal view is. The motion will be given and a coin will be tossed to identify whether you get to be in the government side or in the opposition. So the real test for the debaters is how to defend the 'cause' of the side which had been assigned to them.

In a competition I participated in during my freshman year in college, my team (composed of three female all-first-year students) was given the motion, 'Priests be allowed to marry' and we were on the government side. All three of us personally do not approve of such proposal. But hey, we couldn't say that to them, especially to our opponents.

For the whole duration of the debate, we had to forget our beliefs and principles. We concentrated on defending our contention that priests, like all other men, must be given the chance to marry should they choose to. We won the match and afterwards, when we were away from everyone else and were feeling proud of our accomplishment, we provided counter-arguments and rebuttals to all the untrashed arguments we gave earlier.

You see, debating is about reasoning; influencing others to believe in you through the arguments that you give, which of course must be supported by evidence.

Debating also tests one's character. In a debate match on my senior year in college, where we were given the motion, 'Federalism must be applied in the Philippines ', a debater from the opposition side said, 'We cannot change our system of government because it is part of our tradition. Taking the B'laans as example, they don’t know anything about Federalism. They are ignorant of the law and because they are in the mountains, they will never understand the change in the system.'

That is an insensitive remark. Taken that B'laans do not know anything about Federalism and how it works, are we helping them by openly mocking them and by telling the world of what they do not know of? Wouldn't we be of more help if we find means to reach out to them and educate them so that they could also form opinions about the subject, thus, they can take part in decision-making. The opposition side could still have defended their contention without demeaning people/races. Debaters need not compromise their values for the sake of argumentation.

As a debater, I have learned that the best arguments are those which are grounded on values and sound principles. Even though I may personally not support the contention of the side assigned to me, it is still possible that I could give meaningful arguments and supporting statements because there are always two sides in a story. There is nothing totally absolute in this world and debating is a venue to find out which side is more necessary, beneficial and practicable.

Debating is a sport; where at the end of the game, a certain team will emerge victorious over another. And like all team sports, there are players who play better than most. If a "most valuable player" is named at the end of a basketball game, a "best debater" is declared at the end of a debate match.But no matter how good a debater may be, that is never an assurance that his/her team will win. It will always go back to how good the debaters are as a team and not as individual players.

After winning many debate tournaments and losing in some, I learned that the greatest reward is not a trophy and a best debater award, but the learnings and the experiences gained in the debate.

Debating is a venue to develop critical thinking skills because a debater does not accept things at face value. Debating develops both speaking and listening skills because you cannot refute the claims of the opposing team if you did not listen. In debating, we learn to become tolerant of different opinions. We cannot expect everyone to always believe in the same things we believe in. All these skills are also very useful to students in their recitation, essays and other school works. They will also be better-prepared for their jobs after graduation.

Through debating, we are building a society that is well-informed. We can practice democracy better because we can take sides in many issues. Debaters also have a great power to influence others to speak up.

Barbie, My Barbie

2008-06-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

This was written by my sister when she was in high school; released nine (9) years ago in Reveille, the official student publication of Lagao National High School.

A perfect combination?

We were mirror images of exact opposites - my sister Barbie and I. We don't look alike and yet, we are not so different.

Do you ever wonder how she ever got nicknamed Barbie when her real name's Zea? Simply because our parents thought that I would love her more if she will be called my favorite toy, which happened to be my Barbie doll. Yes, my Barbie.... But who could they fool? Obviously, not me!!! I don't know, but at my first glance of her in my mother's arms, a strong feeling of indifference creeped into my whole being until I decided to despise her.

My early life with Barbie had not been good, for she dislikes me as much as I dislike her. We hated each other. She is someone who wouldn't get anyone get away from a wrong doing without paying back. What would you call us - a perfect combination?! Maybe, for we always end up wringing each other's necks.

But living with my sister isn't always the pit. Having only two years of age gap, we enjoy sharing each other's secrets and talking about our experiences especially about boys and crushes. We would then find ourselves making the other jealous and turn green with envy. But I guess she always wins. At grade six, she already got a love letter from a boy she really likes. That made me really envious of her. I was already fourteen then but for an unknown reason, I couldn't even make my crush look at me. But it was the special sisterly bond we started to share that made everything sweeter and extra-special than anything else.

Although I could say that through the years, we finally accepted each other's existence, I still couldn't help but hope for a little space between us. There were still times when I would want to choke her in her sleep and wish I had the power to make her vanish into thin air.

And.... after years of longing, waiting, hoping.... the day finally came that she has to go. Bringing her suitcase with her, she bade us goodbye to study in Laguna, up the magnificent beauty of Makiling and become one of the country's scholars in the field of visual arts. I couldn't deny how proud I had been of that achievement she had. But what truly made me jubilant were the words I long have wanted to hear from her - 'Goodbye......'

These leave-taking words seemed music to my ears. There could be nothing more I could wish for at the moment. 'Ah....' was all I said. A sigh of relief!

I was ready to shout then. Perhaps I had shattered the whole world into pieces with my shout if I hadn't controlled my ever-growing emotions. At last I would be free - with no more sister to pester me. See, free even rhymes with me; so does sister with pester. A thought of how would it be like to keep the room to myself like I had always wanted since I was just a kid; and won't have anyone to share things with all flashed in my mind. Ah... perhaps it would be truly different, but wonderful.

When we sent her off the port, nothing seemed to have changed between us. We just said casual goodbyes. No more. No less.

But when I went inside the house, I sensed that something is missing. I realized that my sister was gone and suddenly, I felt very lonely. An overwhelming sadness filled me.

After a month, when I heard her voice in the telephone saying, 'I love you Ate, and I miss you a lot...' I couldn't help but shed a tear. It was the first time I heard that from her, I guess. It's funny to think how distance could make the difference. But thinking about anything now, I would rather have her back by my side.

There were so many things I wanted to tell her. Oh, how I wish I could talk to her for as long as I want. But she is far away now, in the opposite pole where I stand.

While watching the setting sun fade in the west, tears fell from my eyes while I reminisced the bittersweet memories we shared through those short years together. Oh, how I miss her so! I miss Barbie, not because her name was of my favorite toy, but because she is my sister, my own flesh and blood. I thought I hated her all those years, but... the truth I guess is that I've always loved her, though I may not have realized it. It is indeed true that it is only when a person is away that you will realize how much she means in your life.

Ah... Barbie, you're really my Barbie, my life...

I did not stay far away for long. She welcomed me back into her arms (with not much choice) after a year's stint at Makiling. I was not meant to become an artist......... Haha. It was a struggle for us, once again.

Pangungumusta kay Juan

2008-06-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

Si Juan pagdating ng takipsilim...........

Gutom. Walang pera. Eh hindi naman libre ang pagkain.

Nagkasakit. Walang pambili ng gamot. Ayaw tanggapin sa hospital.

Naglakad sa kalye. Umuugod-ugod. Nasalubong ng adik.

Hiningan ng pera. Walang maibigay. Sinaksak.

Natagpuan ng nagmamadaling ale. Walang pakialam.

Ang gabi'y naging araw.........

Kumusta kaya si Juan?

...

To Wage War against Terrorism

2008-06-21T02:00:00.000-07:00

The government has called for every means to eliminate terrorists and bandits from the face of the earth.

War must be waged against terrorism. Nothing personal, you simply have to die, is what the government says to terrorists who are savages anyway.

And many people are cheering on. What does this bade for us? That a nation, for once, seems united in a bloodthirsty call to arms to wipe the terrorists out?

The anger and the need to redress are understandable. But the burning desire to strike out at whoever happens to be in the way is not.

The pain and grief are clear, as anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one through senseless violence knows.

The scale of human suffering wrought by the hand of vengeance will happen again.

But in the war on terrorism, there are no borders. Terrorism is rooted more permanently in poverty and social exclusion. The backbone of terrorism is not ideology; it is poverty which by itself is more painful. And to salute it by mounting a total war policy is not the answer. It is only an aggravation of the difficulty.

To wage war against terrorism is to wage war against poverty. To gain success is to give them a chance to live a decent life, participate in social activities and create an environment that will enable them to be productive.

Waaah!!!

2008-06-19T02:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, waaaah !!!!!!!!!!!! I'm getting obsessed over something, or someone, or something he's done or been doing. They are all related.

That's it. At least it's out. I hope I wake up or get bumped soon. But there's really no one who'd do that to me here or help me with it. Good thing pa-weekend na.

Bushed... And Complaining

2008-06-19T01:45:00.000-07:00

Today, I faced another truth.............. Kelangan pumila!!!!! I had to apply for SS number and Philhealth card kasi to be able to get my certificate of employment, which I would need for my atm card application. I've postponed this task for a long time na and the pay day is coming. I couldn't get my atm card without the said requisites. I had to act on the matter now no matter how much I dread the process and the long wait. Actually, it wasn't very long. I only spent an hour and a half but it was dreadful. Huhu............ Why do I complain a lot?!

This had been a long day, made longer by the need for those numbers.......

No See, No Hear

2008-06-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

I've been living a life of an hermit..... Alone and believe me, loving almost every minute of it. This change of heart is probably the effect of too much exposure for the past many years (hehe).

I used to avail of the unlimited text. Now, I could not even send more than 20 text messages in a day, most of which are lav u, mis u messages to parents and siblings. And that is not due to lack of textmates. It's the lack of will to text. Sayang nga ang alltext. Magastos rin kung regular load.

And here's the routine: bhaus - faculty room - classroom - faculty room - library - internet room - faculty room - bhaus. Boring!? But lots of thanks to the free library and internet service access. Hehe. But can you believe that I actually settle for this and probably won't change the routine. And who do I talk to? Co-teachers, students, dean......... I haven't had a real talk about life-related topics in many days now. Oh, except the 3 hours spent with friends in GenSan. And none since then.

For now, this is life for me.......... For how long, I don't know.

CHOICES

2008-06-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

When you’re 21 years old, more or less, and you ask yourself, "What have I been doing the past 21 years?" And you would probably reach the conclusion that more than ¾ of your life had been spent in school.

Different people view school life differently and the differences can be greatly attributed to the (again) different activities that we engage in. For you see, school life is not just about lessons, assignments and other academic stuff.

A great part of what we are now and what we do is influenced by our experiences, which are directly or indirectly school-related. The school setting/environment gives us lots of opportunities to gain skills, develop talents, pursue dreams, meet friends, acquire and develop values and most importantly, make decisions.

How we lead our life and spend our time is our choice - no matter how much we are bullied to do this and that, or that we are too shy to join orgs, or that we have to prioritize. In the end, we make/made the choices and we can certainly change or modify those.

Having been what most would say “active” in school, I have acquired a fair understanding of the different types of students we have.

The primary purpose of going to school is of course, to learn. And there are students who actually take this more seriously than others; where they equate learning with having excellent grades. They are the competitive ones. I know because I was once an exaggerated, competitive student where a grade is not good enough unless it’s 1.00 (98-100) and that 1.25 (94-97) is not too bad but I would kill (or fight with) a teacher who’d dare give me 1.50 (90-93).

But not all competitive students are that exaggerated, especially if they know their limitations and weaknesses. 1.75 will not be too bad and it will still keep them in the Honor’s list.
The downside: The moment they get their first mark which does not fall under their expected grade category and the hopes of honors evaporate, they could lose faith in their studies and start to drift, welcoming depression and you can speculate the worse. Bitterness would rule over life. That is sad…….
Advice: Change the attitude. Do not let grades rule over your life. Yes, do strive to achieve your academic goals. But remember, life does not end with one low mark or by not getting the “laude”. For the real measure of success is not by the number of awards you receive but how you have put to good and positive use all that you have learned.

And there are those talented ones, the artists who see school as a venue to develop and showcase their skills and talents. There are many organizations in school for dancers, singers, writers and others; where students can be with people who share their interests and who can relate to them. And working together, dancers, singers and other performers give us wonderful shows and give the school honors if they win in competitions and perform in big functions.
The downside: Some of the students become “exclusive”, limiting their group of friends to those who belong to their org. Others also major in their org activities and treat academics as their minor. (Take note of the words ‘some’ and ‘others’).
Advice: Do not compromise your academics. It does not mean though that you have to give up the extra-curricular activities. Be a responsible student. Believe me, you can have it all. And do not limit your friends. It’s also rewarding to have friends of all sorts, including classmates. You can mutually help each other in schoolwork.

We also have politicians, public servants, and the likes……… You see them around – giving speeches (or lectures), initiating and organizing activities, smiling and waving. The school has a student government. It has leaders, funds and projects/activities. There are also curricular, extra-curricular, program and civic clubs and orgs. By being a member of an organization, one develops people-skills as well as leadership and management skills which will prepare him/her for the greater challenges of the working world. You serve people and at the same time learn. And there are innumerable benefits as well as pains (see my next article).
The downside: Student leaders can get so engrossed with the organization and its activities that they may forget the original and bigger reason for schooling. So much time might be spent for the org; that their life will revolve around it. It’s wonderful if the experience will help one develop values but it’s sad when being a leader will lead a person to believe and act as if he/she is above others.
Advice: Again, assess what your priorities are. Know your limits. There are people who can pull it off – do good in academics and at the same time, are responsible leaders. The best lessons, which are the values that we embrace, are learned not necessarily inside the classroom, so go for it.

The shy ones. Some people are awfully shy that they are never able to gain friends and would never consider joining organizations. They go to school, enter classes and at the end of such, will leave. They choose the people to whom they open up with.
The downside: They may be talented but their skills are unheard of and unseen. They may even be intelligent but would never recite and share in class, thus, would still not get good marks. The few friends they have acquired might meet other friends, thus, will not be exclusive to them.
Advice: Try to combat what fears you have. Seek help. We have guidance counselors who may do so. It would be better to start taking off shyness now because after college, we all have to deal more with people, whether we like it or not. Be prepared.

We can also encounter students who couldn’t care less and treat schooling as a requirement in life where passing the subjects and graduating are good enough.
The downside: Everything…….
Advice: Do yourself and your family some justice. Education costs a lot and you do not just pick up money from anywhere. It does not come to you for free. For starters, you don’t pay for your education. Payment of your tuition fee comes from your parents’ (or some others’) hard work.

And more (too many to mention)……………..

A student cannot be limited to only one of those mentioned; or might not even qualify for one of the above.

What kind of student you may be can greatly influence the person you will become. I hope that you make the right choices now.

(Haha...... As if I am in the position to advice or even comment. There is simply nothing else to do.)

No tragedy

2008-06-14T23:31:00.000-07:00

Today, I attended my first mass here at koronadal city. I did not know what time exactly the mass would start. When I left my place, I wasn't decided whether to get in an internet cafe (get things done for the yearbook and check out my friendster), to buy my groceries or to go to church. The internet was more tempting.

I'm not yet familiar with the place, there was no one to ask for directions, it was so hot and I did not know what to say to the tricycle driver. No choice, I had to walk and find out things on my own. I walked and walked and walked and there was no open internet cafe. Is is like this here on Sundays?! And the next thing I knew, I was in front of the church. God does know how to guide. Deep inside, I know, I wanted to go to church.

And I was just in time. There were already so many people and the mass was about to start. I did not miss anything. I looked around, hoping to see familiar faces. Just like back home. But who was I kidding? I'm new here and seem to know no one. The first voice I heard was that of a child who was actually serving during mass. There wasn't just one, but there were many children taking part. Amazing.........

You ask me what the homily was about? I did not understand. It was delivered in Ilonggo. And you see, my knowledge of the dialect is so limited. But I grasped a line. The priest said, (in Ilonggo) Its a tragedy if you do not know what you want. Is it really? For I do not know what I want. Or more of, I know what I want but I make it an excuse to other people that I don't because they could not understand the reasons for my actions........ So this is not a tragedy.

I'm in a place I only considered being in just recently. I'm doing something that I never thought I'd even consider doing, well, until eight months ago. And here I am, in a not-so-far place from home but in a totally different world from where I was expected to be. And I am alone. But this is what I chose. And even at this time when I feel so sad and lonely, I would not choose to pack up and turn away...............

For a long time, the past 21 years, everything was simply given to me. I could say that I had been a brat, a spoiled one. I want something, I get it. If I do not want it, I'd dispose of it and turn away. A friend, Eric, always said then, What Barbie wants, Barbie gets. And in the biggest decision of my life yet, I got what I wanted. But I understand that it would have to be the last "bratty" decision I would make (and have made) because times have changed. I'm now in the world where I am not the boss; no more of getting something because I simply want it or giving it back because I do not want it anymore. I have to learn to be responsible for my actions and stand by my decisions.

Wherever I am now, whatever I do and though there were many great things I have forgone, I am where I belong and mine is no tragedy............